the gossamer wings of fairies and things
go flitting around their ears.
as the songs they sing and the bells they ring
drive away all of their fears.
all the boys and all the girls
playing and singing in the forest
are soon joined by petals in the wind
as they dance along to the chorus
joyful laughter soon erupts
from all the Little People
as all the children gladly sit
upon the toadstool rings of evil
soon the cheers turn to tears
as they see what they have done
captive to the Fairy Folk
never more to run.
| This is wonderful! I love the first and second stanzas. They are so happy. But, as you mentioned before, your poems seems to turn on you. A ring of evil toadstools? Captive to the fairy people forever? You turned this poem into a tragedy. Why couldn't the children play anymore? Why did it have to happen??? However tragic it is though...this is still a very good write, it had a real sense of fantasy about it that I like a lot. I really can't think of any suggestions for it, except it may be a little easier to read if not every line started with a capital letter, (even though it is not the beginning of a sentence.) Thanks for sharing this,|
|| Posted on 2009-11-10 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ] || like morgana le fey in King Arthur and the Mists of Avalon and such|
the fey folk are always a lovely choice of a specimen because they embody some of the very things we, as writers, like to attain
you have a very fertile imagination and i do enjoy reading your work quite a bit
"The gossamer wings of fairies and things"
this is tantalizingly vague, "what things, scary shadowed predators that only appear at twilight and go bump in the night, or sweet and docile little darlings with michief in their veins"
(this is what im thinking, not a critique)
"Go flitting around their ears."
this isn't bad but you should maybe clarify a little earlier who they are"
i truly enjoyed this piece
|| Posted on 2007-10-09 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ] || good write, dude! i really believe that wonder is essential to life. for many of us the tales of fairies galvanizes the soul with expectation and strength. |
this work flows quite sweetly and with its mellifluous stream it speaks something deeper to the heart. i think that your use of the language is really nice and its subject meaningful.
good work my friend...
p.s. i have a poem about fairies also its title is "Frayed Wings" let me know what ya think.
|| Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ] || THis made me want to dance to the celtic flute and smoke from the peace pipe. Very hippie. Very magical. Two of my favorite things in the world. Loved it!||| Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ] || I like the way you begin to see the faries as soon as you start to read the poem. Wings flittering around 'their' ears is a bit confusing. Are they my ears the faries ears or someone elses ears?|
The flow of the first stanza is beautiful if you read it out loud in 10/7 time. But the second stanza looses the beat. Why not try something like...
'And all of the boys and all of the girls'
'In the forest play and sing'
That keeps the 10/7
|| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ] || I like it. Therefore, I shall nitpick. 'Flittering' would sound better as 'flitting'. Last line of first stanza is eerily similar to a line in Evanescence's My Immortal, and its rhythm seems off. 'Pedals' should be 'petals'. Last line of the third stanza also sound weird; maybe 'evil toadstool ring' would sound better. But, as a whole, I loved it! I liked the picture it drew in my mind. I would say something deep about it, but I'm not good at getting deep things out of poems. So, that is all.|
|| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by HaldirLives | [ Reply to This ] || There is a depth to this poem in it's ideology but the rhyme bordered on force. I never like it when I can predict exactly what the next line will be it makes me wonder why I should read it. I just don't like perfect rhyme it bores me. However in this staza |
" Joyful laughter soon erupts
From all the Little People
As all the children gladly sit
Upon the toadstool rings of evil" You did a better job at breaking the predictability at the same time the line stands out because it's rhythm is slightly different. I think that this would make a wonderful childrens poem or story / nursery rhyme after all that have nursery rhymes about plagues. My interpretation is rather disillusioning for children when they find that they're not supposed to play anymore merely work and pay bills. considering i don't like this stlye of poetry this is a good poem. peace
|| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ] || Wow I like this for the reason I believe there is a deep meaning behind the fantasy that applies to real life... Now I'm just guessing but I would love feed back, are you reffering to how easy it is when your young to fall into temptation and misbeliefs only to find that they are the complete opposite of what was first thought up? Like I said just guessing but I think it's a wonderful write...|
|| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Kersofmia | [ Reply to This ] |