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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: real nightmaredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 279
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 514
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1825



    Description:
       i wrote this in jail. its a true sory. enjoy!!!
    love
    tina


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsreal nightmaredots
    -------------------------------------------


    i'm beginning to believe,
    my own imagination.
    nightmares are now reality,
    this dreams my best creation.
    i'm cowering in terror,
    before i'm thrown against the wall.
    fighting now for conciousness,
    i lose before i fall.
    my arms are tied above me.
    i don't see how to get away.
    more chains are on the table.
    this is the game he plays.
    the clamps are on my body.
    painful pleasures everywhere.
    i'm screaming in frustation,
    but i see all he does is stare.
    he gets up to tease me more,
    but i say i've had enough.
    i beg him to relieve me,
    but he just tightens the cuff.
    he says he loves my body.
    then the blindfolds in its place.
    i hear the sounds behind me,
    and the color leaves my face.
    the chilled whip hits my body.
    but the sensations burn my skin.
    i scream into my gag.
    he throws the toy back in its bin
    he unties me from my shackles.
    i'm shaking from head to toe.
    he says i'll come when he takes the dildo,
    but this i already know.
    we've played this game before,
    but each time it gets better.
    and when he calls me to come,
    i feel my body getting wetter.
    adn while i know this isn't real,
    i can't make myself wake up.
    now my fantasies are true.
    i've drank whats in my cup.
    i'm now stuck in this dream land,
    in this evil fairy tale.
    i still can't find the way out.
    i guess i've lost the trail.
    an alarm goes off beside me.
    i've awoken from my dream.
    the scenes the same around me,
    this nightmares more real than it seems.




    Submitted on 2006-03-15 14:25:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      "adn while i know this isn't real"
    Be very careful with your text, typos like this distract from your poem.
    To begin with, this poem is not impressive at all. Your language is pedestrian and high-school-like. How long have you been writing?

    I see where you are going, I just don't know why you are going there. Real Nightmare has references to sado-masochism; not that I am not into that thing (I am not) but your tone turns off the uninitiated more than it titillates.

    This poem is too long and it is too prosaic. You could do with 80 percent less of the words and you won't bore and lose the reader.

    Why the obsession with evil and darkness/perversion? Your writing could be more attractive if your craft were at par with your ambitions.
    You can improve; just keep on writing.

    I have lost the desire to read more of your poems though.
    | Posted on 2006-08-07 00:00:00 | by JC Carvel | [ Reply to This ]
      interesting thought process u got there...
    this piece was provocative. imagery was great aswell. only, do you call it a nightmare out of shame? or does youre pleasure create a sense of guilt? embrace it you like where it takes you! just watch out for the critism when others see you they wont understand... we should mingle in eachothers worlds sometime .. theres many similarities layin around.
    | Posted on 2006-08-06 00:00:00 | by blackhart | [ Reply to This ]
      sorry i didnt mean to write this (my last comment) about your poem, i actually quite liked it...I was reading a different one on another webpage and thought i was giving feedback to it...my apologies...I really liked this one :) Nice flow, you would make a good songwriter.
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by goveiac | [ Reply to This ]
      hey hows things
    hope your not stil in jail this was a good post all locked up in confinement can take your mind to many places

    well done
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


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