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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wild Birdsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AlabamaFarmGirl
    ASL Info:    50/F/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 518/333/26
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1156
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 809



    Description:
       Just a mental picture of birds right outside my patio window


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWild Birdsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Grass beginning to turn a pretty green
    Although the colors are still kind of lean
    Watching the budding of flowers bloom
    Looking out at it all from this very room
    Standing, watching from my patio door
    Birds eating their seed, wanting more
    Opening the door, slowly going down
    Trying so hard not to make a sound
    Reaching out just to touch, to feel
    Wild bird in my hand would be unreal
    Spotting me, he quickly turns to see
    What my reaction was going to be
    Trying to stay still with all my might
    Wanting to capture this pretty sight
    Turns back to his food, begins to eat
    Slowly and carefully, I start to retreat
    Pretty birds so wild and forever free
    What a beautiful sight you are to me.




    Submitted on 2006-03-15 15:33:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a lovely poem, Linda! One easily draws a mental picture of the bird feeder with lovely wild birds feeding there! I keep bird feeders out, and have a variety of birds that frequent them! Of course, the Squirrels and Cottontail Rabbits don't consider the bird feeders exclusively for birds either!! I enjoyed this very much!
    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice poem. I am a nature nut and I love wild birds and wild animals. I feed them all the time. I have lots of birdhouses and feeders in my yard. I try to offer a wide variety of seed for the birds as different seed attracts different birds and there are so many. I find the finches to be particularly pretty with their vibrant colors. I once found a baby bird in my yard, it was so tiny and didnt even have feathers. I brought it in and raised it to an adult. It turned out to be a mockingbird. What an experience! This poem made me stop and remember him...his name was sydney. I wonder if he is still out there as I never see him around. I enjoyed reading this poem. Nice job. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Linda,
    This was nice, and you finished it. I started a bird poem a couple of years ago and it sit's in my 'Working Poetry' folder.

    I like the way it opens, tells the story and then closes.

    but it reminded me of picking up an injured wild bird years ago when I lived in a more wooded area of CT. All of a sudden, while I was holding the bird, these little black things, mites or something, were crawling up my arm.

    Now I live near where the Electric Company is killing the Monk Parakeetes because they nest on the utility poles.
    http://www.friendsofanimals.org/news/2005/november/stop-the-statesancti.html

    But, hey, I see that dr_tigger sent you a bird in their comment.

    See ya soon.
    Donn

    | Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      You know, when you can allow the reader to see through your eyes a scene you have written a winner. The details within this are written just right...for you have created the scene and I am there
    Excellent write

    Lisa
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      I should clarify, you do have them in the order, but i would emphasize being indoors first, going to the window, seeing the grass, seeing the flowers, (not enough to get you out) then seeing your birds, use an active word to get to the door, ...steve
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      first you are in your room, then standing at the patio door...if you were to start out with the line of being in the room, then looking out the window, then moving to the door, then being outside...the poem would also have a meaning that a person is pulled from civilzation to Nature...from control to freedom...yet knows, no matter how much they might want to run scotch-free...must pull back...so i would just reorder the first 6 or lines...the end is wonderful. your poems are honest and i wish I could have lived a quieter life...your country life is my wild bird...bless you. Steve
    | Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
      This is nice, good imagery. There were a couple of lines where the rhyming felt forced but most of it flowed really well, well done.
    | Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by Sagirlie | [ Reply to This ]
      I love observing and feeling a part of nature - there's, for me, something so healing and spiritual about "IT". I love to watch birds & whistle to them & have them whistle back. THis is a nice little diddy for you & your neighborhood birdies!
    love,peace,joy&smilez2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Thsi reminds me of the way I feel when I watch the deer come into our yard to eat. I wish I could get closer to them, and yes, even pet one...but they are wild just as the birds you speak of. Sometime I try to sneak out with a camera so I can get a picture of hte deer, but they always run before I can get close enough to get a decent picture.
    Great poem!!!
    DJ
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Doris Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really beautiful Linda
    I too share the same Love with animals that you have
    I also musy say it is good to see you back on Site
    I really missed you
    I always think arent the birds smart for flying away before the negativity of humanism has a chance to invade their space
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      You've created a nice, quiet morning scene here. I can just see you trying to sneak up on a small bird, as he's watching you.

    For the most part, your rhymes are working well, but there are a couple that seem forced.

    Grass beginning to turn a pretty green
    Although the colors are still kind of lean

    and

    Reaching out just to touch, to feel
    Wild bird in my hand would be unreal


    In both of these pairs it feels like you came up with the rhyming word first and then scripted a line to shoehorn in. We all do that from time to time, but, of course we hope it doesn't show. LOL

    I think the acid test of a rhyme is to ask the question "Would I be saying this way if I was writing a story instead of a poem?" Would I be talking about lean colors or unreal feelings?

    My two cents,

    Steve

    | Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      This time of years just makes one glad to be alive and breathiing in all the beauty that Springtime brings. It just seems everything comes out from hybernation.. including our spirits.

    I like the image this brings to mind.. birdwatching, trying not to disturb yet wanting to get a closer view.

    I liked these lines..

    "Spotting me, he quickly turns to see
    What my reaction was going to be"

    Neat, and fun to read.
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey Linda,

    This a nice little vision of your backyard and the nature it has within. Birds capture our attention so easly. I have often sat at the back glass and stared at the birds as they feed on the dogs food. HEE hEE He just stares at them as if to say hey thats mine.
    Nice easy flow and the rhymes fit really well.

    HEY, where you been girl. I haven't heard from you in awhile.

    Nicely done

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      You're little birds are so lucky
    They have you so near
    To water and feed them
    At this time of year
    I bet they all love you
    And come when you call
    With hearts that are whistleing
    As they sit on your wall
    Look after them Linda
    And tend to them true
    Make sure they are happy
    And never get blue
    They will repay you're love
    In a delightful way
    They will come and sit by you
    Each and every day.

    I enjoyed your little birdy write Linda.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Very soothing Linda. I was listening to the birds outside the office here reading this...kind of set the moment and made it that much more pleasing. Nice story and flow. Definately words that are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Hi Linda,
    Well it's Springtime here too, well almost, Monday is the first day of Spring officially. But the birds and the trees and the flowers already think it is Spring. Liked your poem here and it reminded me of Springtime. Glad to see you post again and hope your hav'n a good of weather as we are.
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      this was nice a beautiful picture of spring
    cant wait for it to come its still cold in canada

    hope all is good
    thanx sandman
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      That poem reminds me of a warm sunny day when I sit outside and see all the birds eating and stuff. Good imagery. It had a nice flow to it. It was really just a feel good poem!
    inkpen
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
      great write,as always and i just love how you captured the moment in time,imprinting it on your memory and then puting it into words so that everyone can see the world through your eyes for a moment.in fact,you have once again captured my feelings on the subject and put them into words before i could.talk to you later

    Keep it real,
    Faith
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]


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