Wild Birds by AlabamaFarmGirl

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Submission Name: Wild Birds dots

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Author:	AlabamaFarmGirl
Elite Ratio:	4.33 - 518/333/26
Words:	130

Class/Type:	Poetry/
Total Views:	233
Average Vote:	4.0000
Bytes:	809

Description:
Just a mental picture of birds right outside my patio window

Wild Birds dots

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Grass beginning to turn a pretty green
Although the colors are still kind of lean
Watching the budding of flowers bloom
Looking out at it all from this very room
Standing, watching from my patio door
Birds eating their seed, wanting more
Opening the door, slowly going down
Trying so hard not to make a sound
Reaching out just to touch, to feel
Wild bird in my hand would be unreal
Spotting me, he quickly turns to see
What my reaction was going to be
Trying to stay still with all my might
Wanting to capture this pretty sight
Turns back to his food, begins to eat
Slowly and carefully, I start to retreat
Pretty birds so wild and forever free
What a beautiful sight you are to me.

Submitted on 2006-03-15 15:33:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This was a lovely poem, Linda! One easily draws a mental picture of the bird feeder with lovely wild birds feeding there! I keep bird feeders out, and have a variety of birds that frequent them! Of course, the Squirrels and Cottontail Rabbits don't consider the bird feeders exclusively for birds either!! I enjoyed this very much!
| Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a nice poem. I am a nature nut and I love wild birds and wild animals. I feed them all the time. I have lots of birdhouses and feeders in my yard. I try to offer a wide variety of seed for the birds as different seed attracts different birds and there are so many. I find the finches to be particularly pretty with their vibrant colors. I once found a baby bird in my yard, it was so tiny and didnt even have feathers. I brought it in and raised it to an adult. It turned out to be a mockingbird. What an experience! This poem made me stop and remember him...his name was sydney. I wonder if he is still out there as I never see him around. I enjoyed reading this poem. Nice job. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey Linda,
This was nice, and you finished it. I started a bird poem a couple of years ago and it sit's in my 'Working Poetry' folder.

I like the way it opens, tells the story and then closes.

but it reminded me of picking up an injured wild bird years ago when I lived in a more wooded area of CT. All of a sudden, while I was holding the bird, these little black things, mites or something, were crawling up my arm.

Now I live near where the Electric Company is killing the Monk Parakeetes because they nest on the utility poles.
http://www.friendsofanimals.org/news/2005/november/stop-the-statesancti.html

But, hey, I see that dr_tigger sent you a bird in their comment.

See ya soon.
Donn

| Posted on 2006-04-21 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
  You know, when you can allow the reader to see through your eyes a scene you have written a winner. The details within this are written just right...for you have created the scene and I am there
Excellent write

Lisa
| Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
  I should clarify, you do have them in the order, but i would emphasize being indoors first, going to the window, seeing the grass, seeing the flowers, (not enough to get you out) then seeing your birds, use an active word to get to the door, ...steve
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
  first you are in your room, then standing at the patio door...if you were to start out with the line of being in the room, then looking out the window, then moving to the door, then being outside...the poem would also have a meaning that a person is pulled from civilzation to Nature...from control to freedom...yet knows, no matter how much they might want to run scotch-free...must pull back...so i would just reorder the first 6 or lines...the end is wonderful. your poems are honest and i wish I could have lived a quieter life...your country life is my wild bird...bless you. Steve
| Posted on 2006-04-04 00:00:00 | by koster | [ Reply to This ]
  This is nice, good imagery. There were a couple of lines where the rhyming felt forced but most of it flowed really well, well done.
| Posted on 2006-06-10 00:00:00 | by Sagirlie | [ Reply to This ]
  I love observing and feeling a part of nature - there's, for me, something so healing and spiritual about "IT". I love to watch birds & whistle to them & have them whistle back. THis is a nice little diddy for you & your neighborhood birdies!
love,peace,joy&smilez2 share
tif
| Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Thsi reminds me of the way I feel when I watch the deer come into our yard to eat. I wish I could get closer to them, and yes, even pet one...but they are wild just as the birds you speak of. Sometime I try to sneak out with a camera so I can get a picture of hte deer, but they always run before I can get close enough to get a decent picture.
Great poem!!!
DJ
| Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Doris Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really beautiful Linda
I too share the same Love with animals that you have
I also musy say it is good to see you back on Site
I really missed you
I always think arent the birds smart for flying away before the negativity of humanism has a chance to invade their space
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  You've created a nice, quiet morning scene here. I can just see you trying to sneak up on a small bird, as he's watching you.

For the most part, your rhymes are working well, but there are a couple that seem forced.

Grass beginning to turn a pretty green
Although the colors are still kind of lean
and

Reaching out just to touch, to feel
Wild bird in my hand would be unreal

In both of these pairs it feels like you came up with the rhyming word first and then scripted a line to shoehorn in. We all do that from time to time, but, of course we hope it doesn't show. LOL

I think the acid test of a rhyme is to ask the question "Would I be saying this way if I was writing a story instead of a poem?" Would I be talking about lean colors or unreal feelings?

My two cents,

Steve

| Posted on 2006-03-27 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
  This time of years just makes one glad to be alive and breathiing in all the beauty that Springtime brings. It just seems everything comes out from hybernation.. including our spirits.

I like the image this brings to mind.. birdwatching, trying not to disturb yet wanting to get a closer view.

I liked these lines..

"Spotting me, he quickly turns to see
What my reaction was going to be"

Neat, and fun to read.
| Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey Linda,

This a nice little vision of your backyard and the nature it has within. Birds capture our attention so easly. I have often sat at the back glass and stared at the birds as they feed on the dogs food. HEE hEE He just stares at them as if to say hey thats mine.
Nice easy flow and the rhymes fit really well.

HEY, where you been girl. I haven't heard from you in awhile.

Nicely done

Clyde
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
  You're little birds are so lucky
They have you so near
To water and feed them
At this time of year
I bet they all love you
And come when you call
With hearts that are whistleing
As they sit on your wall
Look after them Linda
And tend to them true
Make sure they are happy
And never get blue
They will repay you're love
In a delightful way
They will come and sit by you
Each and every day.

I enjoyed your little birdy write Linda.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  Very soothing Linda. I was listening to the birds outside the office here reading this...kind of set the moment and made it that much more pleasing. Nice story and flow. Definately words that are a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day.

| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

Hi Linda,
Well it's Springtime here too, well almost, Monday is the first day of Spring officially. But the birds and the trees and the flowers already think it is Spring. Liked your poem here and it reminded me of Springtime. Glad to see you post again and hope your hav'n a good of weather as we are.
!doc'
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
  this was nice a beautiful picture of spring
cant wait for it to come its still cold in canada

hope all is good
thanx sandman
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
  That poem reminds me of a warm sunny day when I sit outside and see all the birds eating and stuff. Good imagery. It had a nice flow to it. It was really just a feel good poem!
inkpen
| Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]
  great write,as always and i just love how you captured the moment in time,imprinting it on your memory and then puting it into words so that everyone can see the world through your eyes for a moment.in fact,you have once again captured my feelings on the subject and put them into words before i could.talk to you later

Keep it real,
Faith
| Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by Texan_Poet | [ Reply to This ]

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