Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: sir jack, duchess hack, mr zombiedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 914
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1385



    Description:
       the beat is awkward unless you can hear me read it, but im a writer not a reader...some parts might make you think what the hell is she trying to say, but i got out exactly what i intended to say

    btw title has everything to do with the poem, but you wouldnt see that, mr zombie yes


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssir jack, duchess hack, mr zombiedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Donít know why itís kind of depressing
    To see him crawling out on a ledge
    With the rain beating down and killing his soul
    Killing it cold
    Running and heís running through the storm
    Arriving just in time to die
    And here is to me
    Dancing like a fool
    Such the little fool
    Talking with a monster that would as soon as kill
    Like the sun will always sting your eye

    To see his hair turn from brown
    To a burnt ash color in a matter of days
    By taking my life into his heart
    Caring for me
    Only for me
    And here I am laughing and smiling
    Crying with and loving this monster
    Cutting at his throat
    With my nails
    Letting his blood bleed for me

    Singing a sad song when she dies
    But loving another while he perishes
    I think its kind of funny
    Very funny
    How he goes out of the way
    The way around the world
    To come back to nothing
    Someone who will be nothing
    Because he is nothing for her

    Sucking at the monsters chest
    While its whores bite back at his ass
    Seeing him and hearing him tear apart
    I can hear the rips

    Donít you want to know why
    Should I tell you why
    Probably shouldnít tell you why
    So I will




    Submitted on 2006-03-15 15:45:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think its kind of funny
    Very funny
    How he goes out of the way
    The way around the world
    To come back to nothing
    Someone who will be nothing
    Because he is nothing for her

    I love this part. I don't know what to say about this. I think it's morbid, but beautiful in it's darkness. I think it's fabulous! I hope to read more like it soon!
    | Posted on 2006-03-15 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    95077

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    a mood to be free written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    a safe place written by Daniel Barlow
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    You read free written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    no words for how graceful you are in this moment written by Daniel Barlow
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Records I written by Raphael
    Love written by saartha
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry