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    dots Submission Name: When Darkness Fallsdots

    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 740
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1098


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen Darkness Fallsdots

    I close my eyes and make a wish
    A simple request to God above
    Just to tell you that I miss you
    To hear your voice, a sound I love
    No sooner do I ask for this
    Then you call me, wondering
    If I miss you half as much
    As you've been missing me
    I laugh out loud, confess my love
    And listen as you do the same
    I sigh with yearning; minutes fade
    My time is over, "I love you" you claim
    I walk away shining brightly
    A joyful smile on my face
    Upstairs to dream of you in darkness
    Within my heart you hold a place
    No one else will ever fill
    For I can never empty it
    My love for you is never ending
    Within your arms, a perfect fit
    Is where I long to watch the sunset
    And remain when darkness falls
    Hold me close in love and silence
    A memory my heart recalls
    Seek to find you in the daylight
    Dreams about you when I sleep
    Knows you love me, knows you mean it
    The promises you've made, you'll keep

    Submitted on 2006-03-16 15:22:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      welll yeah it really made me think .. wel great write .. just a few confusing stuff.. but it made think anyway .. thanks for sharing and hope you can see my writings soon
    take care
    peace and love
    and have a nice day
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, that was amazing. At first, it seems as if you both were really in love. But when it says " 'I love you' you claim", iT SEEMS AS IF you doubt that they love you. Then at the end, it seems as if you both love each other. I think you should find another way to say that line i have above because it gets really confusing because i thought you doubted their love. Oh, yeah, thanks for commenting on Are you happy now?, My songs always seem blahhh, and i worked very hard on this one.

    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]
      The words seem surface, but the message is not, which is sometimes very hard to do, especially if you intend to. The words don't interplay and dance like most poetry, but it kept interest very well. I liked the poem, but I thought I'd let you know "When Darkness Falls" is the title of a Killswitch Engage song/poem.
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by NoMartyr | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, I must say I love the title. And the last half of the poem is very pretty.
    Perhaps add some punctuation at the end of lines, since you have it in the middle of some. I think it would read a little better. I would rewrite the last line too...it reads akwardly.
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by Eriathien | [ Reply to This ]

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