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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mistydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wewak11
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 3436/3630/329
    Words: 104
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1527
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 733



    Description:
       I'm not asking you to understand it, simply to TRY...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMistydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Karmic acid burned me today
    as I wished you dead.

    Tried and condemned,
    naked and proud
    in the courtroom of the sun.

    Leaning against the wall
    of Superiority
    I puked up the last supper
    and my final words were
    drowned in bile...

    ...washed on the tide
    along with my mercy
    and fourteen Tibetans
    who had actually found
    True Happiness.

    As the chorus line fired
    the blindfold of apathy
    slipped on my tears
    as I saw truth for the first time;
    but its name skipped

    across Foreverís Lake
    and my calls echoed
    through the mists of Wish.





    Submitted on 2006-03-16 18:52:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i took a course for eastern philosophy, and this poem has a lot of eastern concepts in it. i don't fully understand. i think i'm going to have to read a few more times, but i just wanted to tell you that i thought that was awesome how you used eastern ideas in your poem. a lot of their thoughts in their philosophies and religions are so beautiful.


    the one thing i DID get from reading the poem was a search for truth. i don't know if that's what you were trying to portray, but that's what i took out of it.

    --christina.
    | Posted on 2006-05-17 00:00:00 | by cre_dia | [ Reply to This ]
      it's so pretty, i wish i knew what you meant it to mean, cause right now i'm drowning in possibilties. but, i will turdge along thorugh my unimformed comment anyway. bear with me...i'm only doing what you asked.

    i sorta saw this scene in my head while i was reading, you're very good with imagry dear, i always get caught up in your work.
    i saw this prisioner that was sentanced to death for a crime he didn't commit, going before the firing squad. I'm not quite sure where all that came from... but thats what i got.

    keep on keepin on dear,
    -Kate
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      this went way over my sophmore head. It was beautiful, strong, and i think i almost have it, i'm going to have t oread it a few more times before i can get it though.
    i guess i just couldn't help reading a poem with my name as a title(even though i know it wasn't actually my name or even pretaining to me, i read everything with the word in it. )

    i'll get back to you when i understand it fully.

    as always,
    Misty
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      Okay, I'll take a crack at it. It seems that you are 1.) in a afterlife of some sort and living out your regrets. You thought somehow the one who hurt you would face this fate intsead it's you, that could explain your opening lines. And 2.) you are looking for enlightment in life and are stuck in a no man land state of mind and fearing apathy has taken over with you and seek a Higher Power. The things that are clear is , the tables in the issue truned on you, and you feel like you are about to be sentenced to some form of death. This was well written and packed with great imagery. Your flow was great also. I love the picture of the ocean. It reminded me of the beach down the street from me. The title could mean alot of things, sorrow, eyes filled with tears, and unbale to see like a fog barrier. You really made us think with this one eh? Great work.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      wow..that was beautiful..i loved how one line just flowed into the next and never seemed out of place...you never seis to amaze me...keep it up

    <3 krin
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Krinchinian | [ Reply to This ]
      I know you didn't expect people to get this, but it has obviously spoken to many on this site.

    My take on it...

    Religion has soured the heart. The organized '"must do's" and "can't do's" have left you grappling with guilt and confusion to the point of wishing that religion had never existed (wished you dead...)

    You have rested onthe concept of self-awarenes and yet miss the simple release of guilt offered by commonly accepted atonements like the sacrament, the acceptance of Jesus' sacrifice. Which leaves you envious of those that had never been tainted by Christianity. (fourteen Tibetans
    who had actually found True Happiness...)

    And just when you think that the calming happines of believing in something is out of grasp, something catches the heart, and for a moment, nervana is glimpsed. ( I saw truth for the first time)

    It is fleeting, and sadly, real life resumes, and you are left with the yearning to wish yourself back to that moment of clarity.

    Just my interpretation. It could go so many ways. That's the lovely thing about being lost in the mist.

    Take Care!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      Karmic acid burned me today...

    wow, Graeme. powerful stuff. this whole write
    is very powerful. Karmic retribution brilliantly written, i'd say.

    As the chorus line fired
    the blindfold of apathy
    slipped on my tears
    as I saw truth for the first time;
    but its name skipped

    across Foreverís Lake
    and my calls echoed
    through the mists of Wish.

    chills to the bone.
    this is really brilliant, my friend. i bow, respectfully and make this a fave.

    love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      If I read these words with religious/spiritual connotation I could take the title and some of the wording to almost be veiled - allusive and intermingled with the words that allude to hypocisy's in morals, religion & life.
    You know me, I appreciate pieces as this that seem to speak in a unique voice & you had some great lines in there like about puking up the last supper.
    I'll have to investigate "IT" further in this piece I do believe so hooray for that!
    love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share
    tif
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      This one made me want to get drunk. Not fall down puke drunk, but good high buzz drunk. HA!

    Ever notice how Wish is just like God and Prayer? People can pray and pray and pray for the same thing and never get it...but here and there God grants a prayer. And Wish is the same thing...people wish and wish and wish and never get it, but once in a while...Wish grants a wish, ya know? I guess those stories and experiences of "once in a whiles" that people hear about or live through are what keep people praying and/or wishing.

    At least, thats just what I get out of this...sober, HA! Might find something else if I read it drunk...hee-hee!
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      well a good wording and and very hard to understan for this cmmon body .. but i love it anyway a good writing and keep writing
    peace and love!
    and take care!
    Victor
    hpe you can see my new writing the worst ever written!
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the last eight lines the most because I could feel them. The other, was a bit evasive (for me).
    I can see where this would take a lot more thought than rhyme and I think you've made a great start in the free verse area.
    If it were a subject in which I could relate, I would no doubt have enjoyed it more. It does seem to be written rather well.
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      It sounds like experimental free verse intended to express the regret that cloaks us when the deep currents of life don't move us as they should because our egos have been stroked for too long (similar to the wealthy who adopt a cause but have no empathy for those they claim to help). Must have been a nasty dish of humble pie that caused such vomiting at the base of the wall of Superiority (hope thay've cleaned that up by now). I have to admit, when you write deep, it gets messy; which is exactly what I prefer. You've used symbolism to point out changes in your own psyche that you won't otherwise reveal in your light verse/romantic poetry because the subject matter would be inappropriate for those venues. Honestly, Graeme, you need to do this more often; not because it may be great poetry now, but because it can become great poetry in the future. I'm certain there are more things you'd like to acomplish, but the 'mist' of your natural ability sometimes gets in the way (and even the style of genius can rob us of excellence). Okay, enough psychoanalysis for one day, don't want to take up too much of your time. Take care of yourself. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Must be one of my off days cause I'm like Doc,couldn't understand it to save my soul,which really leaves me in a world of trouble ha but not understanding does not mean it isn't a good write for I'm sure it is,knowing you and your writes
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this even though I'm not sure if I understand how it should be taken. It seems like a menlancholy moment with a bit of longing, and it seems to be described as an execution. Almost anything dissappointing can feel like an execution, so it kinda leaves it open to interpretation. But it was a great way of describing a feeling and I really enjoyed it.

    -kim
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by chemberdan | [ Reply to This ]
      The images in this piece are wonderful, but I'm having a bit of trouble putting it together as a whole. Though I may be able to attribute that to my lack of sleep and the innability to function right now. My theatre group is going to put on A Midsummer Night's Dream, and I'm having trouble thinking in a non Bottom-like way. He's really thick...

    Anyhow, I found it quite interesting, and I would love the opportunity to talk to you about it and perhaps better understand it.

    I do need to take off now, but I would like to say that this was an excellent piece. Wonderful images, and interesting language, but unfortunately too deep for me to comprehend at the moment.

    Peace out love,
    Vanessa
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      You're absolutely right I don't understand it. So if you get some free time why don't you exlain it to me so I can understand it. I'd kinda like to know where that picture was taken too.
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      I may not understand it perfectly as you intended but I do think it's quite beautiful and very well-written. your talent never fails to amaze me. nice one Graeme. alot of thought and work must have gone into this one.
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful, i loved your words, your imragry, it was so deep and real, it brought me back to the way i use to write before i lost a lot of connection with my poetry, i loved it, keep up the good work

    take care
    courtney
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by in_a_trap | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a beautifull painting and a wonderfull vision. good imagry and excellent use of wording. amazing use of talent, and excellent speech. i enjoyed this vision. get back to me sometime.

    payce!
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by siroez | [ Reply to This ]
      You were out getting a tan and the sun fried you? Ok, I was fried when I read it the first time.

    I don't claim to know, not even sure I want to take a crack at it, but for me - I got this feeling of regret at allowing someone to get you mad enough to think that their lack of existence would make you feel better, and afterward - guilt, examination of life and regret...

    The final verse...words left unsaid and too late to be expressed...

    Either way - it gave me much thought, thank you. Another excellent piece from you - Oh Great One

    LNL
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]


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    95231

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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