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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Ripples in the Timelinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sir Jimeth
    ASL Info:    21/Male/Earth
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 82/40/36
    Words: 598
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 245
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2974



    Description:
       It's one of my favorites.
    I tried to get the spacing and layout of it as close to what it was on the paper I wrote it on. I'd say it's rather close.

    This poem is everything in my mind, and nothing at all


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRipples in the Timelinedots
    -------------------------------------------


            Swimming in that dirty pond led to greater things than these
                What fun is there in showing off when you're begging on your knees
    Of what things torn and two and time, the Ripples flying through the
    air
        The Ripples in the timeline are dancing everywhere
        A cushion is spelled correctly when it matches your dictionary
                floor
        My numbers are numbered in sequential order
              My letters organized by ascending last names
    The order is ordered, the diamonds are bright
            and the Ripples in the timeline
    Rally forth tonight.
        Not two, but three, your mind is fraught
                I can't remember a thing
                        That rubber ducky song we sang when I danced out in the
    rain
          To see the news to see the sites to hear of people's pickled fights
    and oh what times were to be had
                if my mind could only see
        Those ripples in the timeline mix up my memory
              where were we now
                              back at the bat, the pitcher swings his arm
    the ball set forth upon its course
                      awandering along amidst a crowd of jeering bats
    and Julius's guard
                            I don't remember what it was
                                    my memory is hard
              If those ripples were only sewer lines and those times were only sludge
                    and the ripples in our timeline were never made to judge
    It'd take the shape of a laughing cat who chitters all the way
        And all that's left the shattered teeth with nothing left to say
    and the ripples in the timeline
                                                                                        today they'd go away.




    Submitted on 2006-03-17 04:40:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like how you set up the spacing and stuff like you said it was on the paper, makes a bigger picture in my head, i really like how the rhyming works and how its so f*ing random. I can almost see someone sitting there writing that.

    My numbers are numbered in sequential order
    My letters organized by ascending last names

    thats the only part i don't like, maybe because i can't find anything ... coherent? no i don't think thats the right word.. sensible i guess is the closest word to what im trying to say. I mean its more random than the rest of it, but yeah still a very good work, (sorry i just felt like commenting on some of your stuff hope you don't mind)
    Vynom
    | Posted on 2008-07-22 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutly love the chaotic set up and structure of this poem.
    The "ripples" are so memorable, whether they be good or bad, we seem to sort and remember things in our head... I love your description of sorting, the words are put together in such a way to sound as though you sorted through those too.

    I also love the opening line... it reminds me of some of my own memories.

    All in all,
    I really enjoyed this!
    -Ann
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by andrya | [ Reply to This ]
      Raivn wishes that she were a comment whore... Jessie gets to just talk and talk and talk. And Jim just talks and talks and talks... But nobody talks to Raivn. Raivn likes ripples. Raivn loves dictionaries. But enough said. You comment whores!
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok...I read up until the ducky part and I thought I should record all of my thoughts so far. [As in my sleepy state I am bound to forget it by the time I finished.]
    So to begin with, This is a poem and that delighted me. At first glace it looks like it is a story or a rant of some sort. But then you begin to read, and BAM! Poem. I like that. A delightful surprise. Very cool, very cool.
    I love this, absolutely adore this poem because it is just so...random, maybe. It is refreshing. Through most of it I have no idea what the hell is exactly meant. And that allows me to figure it out all by myself, to develop my own ideas about what is meant by each wonderful line.
    And a piece of writing that can make the reader think is always great. You keepth me on my toes, Mr. Jim. Hoora Hoora. [No 'Y' intended.]
    but yes, yes, back to your poem. I was very excited about the line contending to spelling of couch as it matches the dictionary floor. It puts a very amusing image in my head, your living room floor covered with the pages from a dictionary, and the one for couch scattered randomly about somewhere with a big red circle around it. I imagine that there is some crazy story between it with you and your family and/or friends.
    I think I cannot appreciate this poem as fully as I imagine you do because of how personal it must be and that you have to be tightly woven into your life to understand it all entirely. But I love it..the entire concept...maybe it is that it reminds me of an ode to Raivn that I wrote once, for anyone to read that, they would have thought me to be mad. But she understands it all wonderfully, because she was there. It's all almost like a secret table of contents on all of your crazy inside jokes.
    I could see you dancing out in the rain, Mr Jim, singing a silly song about a rubber ducky. In my head, though, all of your movements are a bit stiff, as I have noticed that you move so...punctuational like, in person. So, straight, and attentive. It is wonderful, I've never really seen anyone move as you do, dear Jim.
    Ok, to the second half of the poem!
    Oh...the first half seems so fun...so cheery. And then the second half is so, sad, so serious. It is an interesting contrast. Maybe it is that I read then separately...
    Ok, I read the whole thing all the way through, and I have come to this conclusion. The second half sort of sets the mood. It has the ability to change everything, the entire feeling all together, because it is the last thing you read, you know? And so, when I only read the first part, I only saw the fun part, and it ended fun. And when I read the second half, it was no fun and all serious. Together, though, they even it all out and they set a very good, a very evenly balanced poem.
    I liked this, I liked it something fierce.
    I loved the personality of it all. It's Jim..the inside of his head, his own inside jokes, and I don't think I am assuming correct on any of them. But that is part of what makes to fun! It's so personal to you, and it makes it all the more special. It would not be the same if I understood it all.
    I also have noticed that you have a very intriguing way of going about your line structure. Your lines are not set as they would be in a typical poem. This, I think, is wonderful, it adds to the personality of it all.
    I loved this, Jim. I just cannot Wait to read more things of yours. farewell for now, Mr. Jim.
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      Jim, JIm, JIm... I need to hear the rubber ducky song. Promise me that you'll sing me the rubber ducky song. Please??? I am rather moved by this piece. Wonderful ripples/ memories. I want to do it. Hey, I bet these ripples look like Ed the hyena. ED... he's grrrreeeaaatttt!
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      wow, I'm not sure if "chaotic" is how I would describe the structure but I guess that's as good a word as ever for it.....I really loved it thought, it was like....organized chaos {maybe}? I'm not sure if I can ever completely understand what you exactly you were talking about because from what I got out of it, each person has their own thoughts and memories that will come to mind while reading but I got to the rubber ducky song and wondered if I was maybe high for a minute, I dunno it was cool, very random, very impulsive. I go both ways with this though, yeah it's very very good (as far as showing the writer's talent) if you make a person sort of "fill-in-the-blanks" with their own personal memories and reasoning and w/e else they choose, but it's also kinda sad (for me anyway,I'm kinda weird) to not get any personal connection from the writer except that they are feeling this in a general sense, it's like listening to two talking about an inside joke and really not understanding it. also the moods in this write made me feel bipolar almost, it was like sorta jokey and light hearted towards the start and later there was a greater sense of regret, like the person is convinced they are missing something between two memories, like their pain and joy and everything else is dilluting into one event when really, there was more to be remembered, overall very good write, I noticed you write a lot of prose, which I'm not super into but I'll have to read more of your stuff sometime,
    peace and love,
    ~jessie
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]


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