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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bid The Day Goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 205
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 969



    Description:
       I met Jody last night. He drew me a picture. It inspired me to use my art to draw him one. So I did...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBid The Day Goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------




    She sits and watches him draw,
    Eyes and men and a turtle by request
    He absorbs himself in the strokes of his pen,
    Sometimes lightly rubbing his chest.

    She sits and watches him draw
    She stops searching for words to say
    Creations unfurl from his fingertips
    As the world bids goodbye to the day

    She sits and watches him draw
    She marvels at the beautiful picture it would make
    He gives her pieces to admire
    When she accepts them, her hands shake

    She sits and watches him draw
    She wishes she could do it too
    So she spins a tale about the picture
    It's the best that she can do

    She sits and watches him draw
    He looks up and catches her eye.
    The wind carries his hair into his face
    As the world bids the day goodbye.





    Submitted on 2006-03-17 08:22:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      really nice. I like the way u've used the first line of each stanza. I really like the way you've described the setting, it looks so real! It seems like the work of an accomplished author. I'd say this is a total contrast to the hole in the sock poem! haha
    cheers
    mihir
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by mihir | [ Reply to This ]
      it ws akind of poem/story i love it .. i really enjoy reading this... my favorite stanza was :

    "She sits and watches him draw
    He looks up and catches her eye.
    The wind carries his hair into his face
    As the world bids the day goodbye."

    but i think the first line in every stanza doesnt help much ..it just interrupts the flow here
    wel keep writing and take care
    have a nice day
    and if you have a chance please take a look to my writings...
    peace and love!
    Victor
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]


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