I didn't like the title so I changed it and I'm going to submit it again. let me know me if the title works for the poem. Thanks.
This is a poem I wrote for english class. I wrote it five minutes before class but still managed to have it sound some what decent. But after submitting it here I realized that it doesn't seem to flow right. I think maybe it needs another form. Some suggestions would be appreciated.
Oh, the english assignment was to write a poem about an animal and relate it to life. Thanks for taking the time to read my work.
World full of bugs -------------------------------------------
The small bug rests on the wall
Draped in the innocent disguise
Orange in color
Yet still looking
Like the lady beetle herself
In swarms they come
To take over the room
Flying in greed
Soaking up your light
Soon to push you out of your home
Much like the world
Deceiving others
To get what they want
Full of greed
With not a care for another
Stinking up our planet
With the stench of their lies
The two are one
Both conquering
What’s not theirs to take
Fallen we have become
Sucked into the untrue
Of the facades we need to survive
We are pawns, nothing but pawns
In their scheme to take over all
Hmmm, I'm assuming you've written a big metaphor here, but i still haven't figured out who the bugs are, as there are several possibilities.
The second stanza starts out totally seperated from the first, as you were talking about the lady bug, then "they" come, so I guess you could look at that.
To be honest, I really didn't see much of a flow problem...rhythm? now that's different.
Well done, for a quickie it's very good, and I'm still thinking about who the hell they are.
What is our obsession with bugs. Don't we realize that their mass on Earth far excedes that of humans already.
Dont they know that if we killed every cockroach but one that she could replenish their population in a few short weeks. It would take us humans thousands of years.
I like the way you start with the ladybug on the wall, zoming in as if it were a 'B' thriller bug movie with bugs taking over our homes and then our minds.
I love it, and if you clean it up just a bit, we wouldn't even have to see the movie!
But I'll bet a psych would tell you it's not about bugs at all. For $150 an hour. I'll bet alot of others will tell you the same thing too, for nothing. Save your money, for me it's about bugs.
umm your right that it doesn't flow in a rhyming sense however it still has a point. To compare a bitter person with a bug on the wall. The bug rest on the wall In their scheme to take over all You see how it starts off rathering boring but it ends with the beginning, making it all make sense to me anyways
Submission Name: World full of bugs
