World full of bugs
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Description:
I didn't like the title so I changed it and I'm going to submit it again. let me know me if the title works for the poem. Thanks.
This is a poem I wrote for english class. I wrote it five minutes before class but still managed to have it sound some what decent. But after submitting it here I realized that it doesn't seem to flow right. I think maybe it needs another form. Some suggestions would be appreciated.
Oh, the english assignment was to write a poem about an animal and relate it to life. Thanks for taking the time to read my work.
World full of bugs
The small bug rests on the wall Draped in the innocent disguise Orange in color Yet still looking Like the lady beetle herself In swarms they come To take over the room Flying in greed Soaking up your light Soon to push you out of your home Much like the world Deceiving others To get what they want Full of greed With not a care for another Stinking up our planet With the stench of their lies The two are one Both conquering What’s not theirs to take Fallen we have become Sucked into the untrue Of the facades we need to survive We are pawns, nothing but pawns In their scheme to take over all |
Submitted on 2006-03-17 08:58:17 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| Hmmm, I'm assuming you've written a big metaphor here, but i still haven't figured out who the bugs are, as there are several possibilities. The second stanza starts out totally seperated from the first, as you were talking about the lady bug, then "they" come, so I guess you could look at that. To be honest, I really didn't see much of a flow problem...rhythm? now that's different. Well done, for a quickie it's very good, and I'm still thinking about who the hell they are. be happy Graeme | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ] | Oh Indy! | What is our obsession with bugs. Don't we realize that their mass on Earth far excedes that of humans already. Dont they know that if we killed every cockroach but one that she could replenish their population in a few short weeks. It would take us humans thousands of years. I like the way you start with the ladybug on the wall, zoming in as if it were a 'B' thriller bug movie with bugs taking over our homes and then our minds. I love it, and if you clean it up just a bit, we wouldn't even have to see the movie! But I'll bet a psych would tell you it's not about bugs at all. For $150 an hour. I'll bet alot of others will tell you the same thing too, for nothing. Save your money, for me it's about bugs. BTW what do they call a male ladybug? D | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ] | umm your right that it doesn't flow in a rhyming sense however it still has a point. To compare a bitter person with a bug on the wall. The bug rest on the wall | In their scheme to take over all You see how it starts off rathering boring but it ends with the beginning, making it all make sense to me anyways | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by mandy dupuis | [ Reply to This ] | |
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