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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: World full of bugsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Oli
    ASL Info:    23/F
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 206/211/53
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 827



    Description:
       

    I didn't like the title so I changed it and I'm going to submit it again. let me know me if the title works for the poem. Thanks.
    This is a poem I wrote for english class. I wrote it five minutes before class but still managed to have it sound some what decent. But after submitting it here I realized that it doesn't seem to flow right. I think maybe it needs another form. Some suggestions would be appreciated.

    Oh, the english assignment was to write a poem about an animal and relate it to life. Thanks for taking the time to read my work.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWorld full of bugsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The small bug rests on the wall
    Draped in the innocent disguise
    Orange in color
    Yet still looking
    Like the lady beetle herself

    In swarms they come
    To take over the room
    Flying in greed
    Soaking up your light
    Soon to push you out of your home

    Much like the world
    Deceiving others
    To get what they want
    Full of greed
    With not a care for another

    Stinking up our planet
    With the stench of their lies
    The two are one
    Both conquering
    What’s not theirs to take

    Fallen we have become
    Sucked into the untrue
    Of the facades we need to survive
    We are pawns, nothing but pawns
    In their scheme to take over all






    Submitted on 2006-03-17 08:58:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm, I'm assuming you've written a big metaphor here, but i still haven't figured out who the bugs are, as there are several possibilities.

    The second stanza starts out totally seperated from the first, as you were talking about the lady bug, then "they" come, so I guess you could look at that.

    To be honest, I really didn't see much of a flow problem...rhythm? now that's different.

    Well done, for a quickie it's very good, and I'm still thinking about who the hell they are.

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-04-24 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh Indy!

    What is our obsession with bugs. Don't we realize that their mass on Earth far excedes that of humans already.

    Dont they know that if we killed every cockroach but one that she could replenish their population in a few short weeks. It would take us humans thousands of years.

    I like the way you start with the ladybug on the wall, zoming in as if it were a 'B' thriller bug movie with bugs taking over our homes and then our minds.

    I love it, and if you clean it up just a bit, we wouldn't even have to see the movie!

    But I'll bet a psych would tell you it's not about bugs at all. For $150 an hour. I'll bet alot of others will tell you the same thing too, for nothing.
    Save your money, for me it's about bugs.

    BTW what do they call a male ladybug?

    D
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
      umm your right that it doesn't flow in a rhyming sense however it still has a point. To compare a bitter person with a bug on the wall. The bug rest on the wall
    In their scheme to take over all
    You see how it starts off rathering boring but it ends with the beginning, making it all make sense to me anyways
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by mandy dupuis | [ Reply to This ]


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