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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Black Heart, White Liesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Naymless
    ASL Info:    15/F/phx, az
    Elite Ratio:    4.44 - 142/110/33
    Words: 345
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1138
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2090



    Description:
       Well basically its about a man who is still upset over the death of his wife, he becomes suicidal, but just as he attempts his suicide the police come. I know its kinda long, but it probably won't kill you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlack Heart, White Liesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Call this clearly suicidal, for it’s far too late to keep moving forward. Through the canvas that I’ve feared to paint, I think I just my write my final ode. Tears may stain my sojourn ink, but it won’t erase all the lies we’ve passed through hurried glances, it might have worked out if we weren’t such great actors. With every smile, my heart fell into a frenzy of inaccurate beats, with every glance, my lungs gave out and worst of all; with every kiss, I died a little more inside. I surely must fall into the depths of hell, for I must be the cruelest of demons to make an angel cry.

    Cutthroat and most compassionate,
    We kiss,
    Divine and the outmost deadly,
    We dance,
    Fallacious and at worst fictional,
    We’ve fallen,
    Far beyond the depths of hell,
    I wait, if only to restrain the stillness of the night,
    Deep into the abyss of hate and love,
    Will you wait for me?


    The cruelest man in all of humanity’s deadly sins carries a gun that screams deafly of irony. Much similar to mine, but much more arid; for tears make the best glaze, and I have dared to taste their faulting sensation.

    Do tell the angels to go back home,
    And whisper to the mortals,
    That heaven lies in smoke and gun powder,
    Shattered glass,
    Shall not dare to cut my tongue,
    Instead to bathe me farther in sin,
    Broken in its loving embrace,
    I bleed,


    Surely his comrades see the tears in my eyes, but he dares to look away. My love, look what has befallen us, look how life and death easily make a mockery of our eternal desperation for salvation. Slowly, they’ll see that cruelty is death’s unnerving enemy.

    Down the trail of fallen tears we dance,
    Only now you lead,
    Kiss me one last time…
    The sensation of true love’s only offer,
    Is mine,
    And mine alone to taste.





    Submitted on 2006-03-17 13:34:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "for I must be the cruelest of demons to make an angel cry"

    This was one of my favorite lines, great similie, you know? I think its a similie... lol.

    "Cutthroat and most compassionate,
    We kiss,
    Divine and the outmost deadly,
    We dance,
    Fallacious and at worst fictional,
    We’ve fallen,
    Far beyond the depths of hell,
    I wait, if only to restrain the stillness of the night,
    Deep into the abyss of hate and love,
    Will you wait for me?"

    YOU wrote this?! Beautiful, I love this part, I mean the whole poem really kept me sucked in, and sometimes I didnt know what it was about or what I was reading because your words are so brilliant, but I must tell you thats not always a good thing. In this case it was... for me at least, because I needed to go somewhere else for a little while, I am going through a lot, so I want to say thank you for that, even though you didnt INTEND it to be that way, I appreciate it, lol.

    "Do tell the angels to go back home,
    And whisper to the mortals,
    That heaven lies in smoke and gun powder,
    Shattered glass,
    Shall not dare to cut my tongue,
    Instead to bathe me farther in sin,
    Broken in its loving embrace,
    I bleed,"

    LOOK at this beauty!! You write almost like me, but it reminds me of how someone way back in the shakespear day would talk, only a little less educated, but still sounding the same.

    "Down the trail of fallen tears we dance,
    Only now you lead,
    Kiss me one last time…
    The sensation of true love’s only offer,
    Is mine,
    And mine alone to taste."@@

    Look.... "Down the trail of fallen tears we dance"

    One of the best lines I have ever heard, and I am almost in disbelief that YOU wrote this, but I am sure you did because you would have had to give proper credit... oh my gosh, this is one of my favorites... thank you for sharing this wonderful peice.

    Keep on writing, you have a beautiful way of it and such sculpted talent...

    I would love if you took a gander at my work and commented, I think you would like some of my things, considering the way you write.

    Your imagination... my God...

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2007-05-05 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      My Friend this is really incredible
    You carried this write beautifully all the way thru
    I do not take this as a sad write surprisingly
    In this write I believe you are showing us your readers the good versus the evil in your life and how it became incredibly bad so you shed the negative created a new life for yourself filled with the positive
    I loved the idea
    Excellent Job and well put together
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...i mean...wow. This is really, REALLY good. Like the two people before me, the first paragrah and poem I liked best. They spoke the loudest to me. There was just one thing that condused me: Where do the police come in? I didn't see anything realting to them, not that it mattered since I was to blown away to really notice.

    EXCELLANT JOB!
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by Itzunori | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a wowing piece... the way you combine poetry and prose is an awesome affect... some parts are confusing... but I think you get your emotions across in the end. I think the strongest part was the first paragraph... it hits you right in the heart.

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      Woah!
    Wow, this one nammy had me feable lil mind stopped dead in its tracks after that first paragraph. I mean, I read the rest of it, but I didnt really absorb it because of the freakin greatness of that first paragraph that just swept me away.

    I read it again and the same thing happened. And it didnt kill me at all to read this thing twice.


    F*ckin mindblown here...sorry, wish I could give ya a better comment, but instead I will give ya a toasting compliment!
    | Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Saying that this could of worked if we weren't such great actors, is that a metaphor for humanity, or for relationships, or both. I'm going with both for the sake of what I got out of this.
    I detected idealism. I love idealism, and sometimes I detect it when it isn't there. At any rate, my take is that the misunderstanding in this relationship caused by the couple putting on faces or "being actors" is metaphor for everyone in the world causing problems by "being actors." That problems big and small could be fixed if everyone weren't so fake
    | Posted on 2006-06-25 00:00:00 | by nolram | [ Reply to This ]
      i like these words. they make me think odd thoughts. i especially like the part on "the canvas that i've feared to paint". i must, though, agree with teenage_dirtbag in that some parts are a little confusing and maybe even ambiguous. i still get your point i just think that you might want to clarify just a wee bit. but even if ya don't it'll be okay. loved it, great write and all that other good stuff we're not supposed to say. it shall be added to my favorites so that i may peruse it at my leasure at a later date.
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by reluctant_hero | [ Reply to This ]


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    95329

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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