this is very sweet, elegant and simple and deep. one thing though : 'i long and live to simply hear your heart beat' the 'long and live' was kinda confusing. 'i live in longing of your heart beat' or 'i long to simply hear your heart beat' might be better. but just my opinion.
besides that it was good. i think you have real talent, keep writing!
that was a really good poem the first stanzas had so much emotion in it although it was really descriptive in part i liked the line about banishing your mortal skin. keep writing pieces like this it was really good. Jo
This is quite sweet, but the imagery of banishing your skin is a bit creepy in some ways... I dunno. Other than that though, it's kind of good. Keep it up.( I have a couple about love too if you wanna check'em out... they're very different.)