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heart beats

Author: bloodied_angel
ASL Info:    15/Female/Oklahoma
Elite Ratio:    2.63 - 79 /119 /44
Words: 96
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 828
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 514


heart beats

i long to feel you closer to me
i wish to banish my mortal skin
that your soul may join with mine

i lay beside you
and wonder what your thinking
i wonder if your thoughts match mine
thoughts of how i wish that the depth of my love
may be expressed to you

as i lay my head on your chest
i long and live to simply hear your heart beat
i would hold my breath forever
if your heart would never stop its beating

Submitted on 2006-03-17 20:28:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  this is very sweet, elegant and simple and deep.
one thing though :
'i long and live to simply hear your heart beat'
the 'long and live' was kinda confusing. 'i live in longing of your heart beat' or 'i long to simply hear your heart beat' might be better.
but just my opinion.

besides that it was good. i think you have real talent, keep writing!
| Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by onepieces | [ Reply to This ]
  beautiful poem over there.
personally i wanted to write such a piece of art.

are you intersted in a women as such do reply.
cause such a poem is rare to be writen.
| Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by keestu | [ Reply to This ]
  that was a really good poem the first stanzas had so much emotion in it although it was really descriptive in part i liked the line about banishing your mortal skin. keep writing pieces like this it was really good. Jo
| Posted on 2006-03-17 00:00:00 | by heartless_ | [ Reply to This ]
  This is quite sweet, but the imagery of banishing your skin is a bit creepy in some ways... I dunno. Other than that though, it's kind of good. Keep it up.( I have a couple about love too if you wanna check'em out... they're very different.)
| Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by herrbench | [ Reply to This ]

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