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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ArtichokeMosher
    ASL Info:    15/F/PA
    Elite Ratio:    2.73 - 146/201/81
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Misc/Serious
    Total Views: 173
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 603



    Description:
       I don't know where this came from.Just felt like writing...so...gimme some feedback...and please help me with a title...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have fallen in love to many times to speak
    Spoken those words so much I can't think

    Been dumped to many times for my heart to heal
    Been so numb I couldn't feel

    My heart remains broken and shattered
    The pieces remain torn and scattered

    My heart still remains broken
    From every false word you have ever spoken

    I believe I will never fall in love again
    It may happen but I don't know when

    So if red rose pedals fall tonight
    I will find love in the pale moonlight




    Submitted on 2006-03-18 12:35:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      To an extent I can relate to what your saying in that poem hun., It isimple yet effective. But I must say one thing, People often feel their hearts are broken. But when you least expect it someone comes along and mends it. Happened to me,. I think alot of people can relate to this as everyone at one point in their lives has been heart broken. I think you should title it "Tainted Heart" Ok yeah I am terrible at thinking up titles im sorry
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by Pippyness | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very short and meaningful, the person your portraying in this piece seems to distant and lost and just not hopeful at all, then at the end there is a small hinder of light and i enjoyed that, it didn't read like doom was the only option here. In your 4th stanza it read a alittle rough because up until that point, your first line of each stanza was longer then the second then you switch it around on the reader... possibly think about revising that, but then again i hate telling people what to do with their poetry because sometimes its meant to be that way, Well i really liked this piece and hope you continue to write. Talk to you soon
    Amber
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice short and sweet poem. I liked it alot. It is great how you show the transition from heartbreak to finding love again from beginning to end. I dont know what a good title for it would be me personally would put, From Heartache to Moonlight
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by Evil Jesture | [ Reply to This ]



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