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A ring is round and does not end
Nor does our friendship, my friend
For always together
On bad days and better
Don’t ever go
I need you so
Next to me
And you shall see
You’re my light
My reason to fight
My reason to live
That’s why I give
This poem as a token
This friendship won’t be broken
This was sweet. (but i should expect that from you shouldn't i?) I agree that it does sound a bit forced in places but i think that its sentiment makes that ok. I would consider putting in puncuation to break up seperate thoughts but if you like the way it all runs together i suppose it would not end the world if you left it.
I'm sure that your friend loved this and I'll bet she got a pretty good idea of how much she means to you. I understand how hard it is to let someone know how much you appreciate them. I write poems for my friends too eventhough they really don't seem to appreciate how much my work means to me. oh well, i still love them. but i digress, we are talking about your work, not mine!
Good Job Tom- I'm sure she loved it.
|| Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Sasha Lynn | [ Reply to This ] || Very touching.|
Short, sweet and to the point.
Hardly flowery at all, bare.
It almost seems so bare that it feels kind of forced while reading it, at least to me.
Though even through that, it is still an enjoyable read.
However, I would suggest on the second line changing the first word from 'So' to a negative, such as 'Nor' or 'Neither'.
That would help re-emphasize that the friendship will not be ending.
As it is, one might mistakenly think that the friendship IS ending, if it weren't for the rest of the poem.
|| Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Jodans | [ Reply to This ] |