A Token

Author: Tom110989 Elite Ratio:    3.38 - 35 /56 /21 Words: 68

Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship Total Views: 1149 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 449

Description:

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A Token

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A Token A ring is round and does not end Nor does our friendship, my friend For always together On bad days and better Let’s stay This way Don’t ever go I need you so Next to me And you shall see You’re my light My reason to fight My reason to live That’s why I give This poem as a token This friendship won’t be broken

Submitted on 2006-03-18 17:14:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments

Tom- This was sweet. (but i should expect that from you shouldn't i?) I agree that it does sound a bit forced in places but i think that its sentiment makes that ok. I would consider putting in puncuation to break up seperate thoughts but if you like the way it all runs together i suppose it would not end the world if you left it. I'm sure that your friend loved this and I'll bet she got a pretty good idea of how much she means to you. I understand how hard it is to let someone know how much you appreciate them. I write poems for my friends too eventhough they really don't seem to appreciate how much my work means to me. oh well, i still love them. but i digress, we are talking about your work, not mine! Good Job Tom- I'm sure she loved it. SASHA LYNN

| Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Sasha Lynn | [ Reply to This ]

Very touching. Short, sweet and to the point. Hardly flowery at all, bare. It almost seems so bare that it feels kind of forced while reading it, at least to me. Though even through that, it is still an enjoyable read. Good job However, I would suggest on the second line changing the first word from 'So' to a negative, such as 'Nor' or 'Neither'. That would help re-emphasize that the friendship will not be ending. As it is, one might mistakenly think that the friendship IS ending, if it weren't for the rest of the poem.

| Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Jodans | [ Reply to This ]

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