To A Long Lost Friend by Skillessbasterd

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Submission Name: To A Long Lost Friend dots

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Author:	Skillessbasterd
ASL Info:	19/withdiseasedstrangers/
Elite Ratio:	4.58 - 497/676/207
Words:	257

Class/Type:	Prose/Love
Total Views:	162
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1443

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To A Long Lost Friend dots

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I met a new person today.
I don’t recall a name
though I’m sure
you’ve heard of him before.
It strikes me as odd
that I haven’t noticed his presence
because upon a deeper look into my memory
he has been a great friend of mine
for quite some time now,
though I must admit I’ve never really taken the time to show my gratitude.

Upon the winding hills I’ve grown up on
he’s played with me as a child.
I recall a time
when I was so careless and unconcerned
with the world
that I didn’t notice when he cried.
It was my ignorance that caused his pain,
even in times when this was unrealized,
or simply not thought of
I now realize that I am to blame.
Justifiably Denied!
For I still use him from time to time
but being the person he is
he’s always forgiven me.

So as with no thought
I had taken my life for granted.
I have no choice now
but to follow a path as winding as the devils spine.
To show my friend
that I love him.

So as before I had shown such dedication
to an image I had barely known
one so ugly as mine
I have no choice now
but to follow my heart and unearth the buried pains of existence
to show my friend
that I still believe he’s here.

Submitted on 2006-03-18 18:21:59 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  You specified no comment type, so I wrote what came to my mind.
-------------------------------------
This is a very interesting piece, and a nice bit of novelty on a site jam packed with similar works.
I must note that this is not prose but poetry as it is now written. I agree with an earlier comment, that this could be written just as easily in prose as in its current form (if you so choose,) but that may be my bias as a writer of prose.

Your description of your past relationship with your friend is vague, which is not necessarily good or bad. However, in this case I think it weakens the poem. My reasoning is as follows: as I read the poem I have difficulty sympathizing with the scorned or neglected friend, or with you for having to travel a path as twisted as the devils spine to reach him or her. In fact, I do not feel much of anything. Maybe a little annoyance at having to attempt such a difficult task, but not really remorse, or regret, or even your friends pain at your betrayal/neglect of his/her friendship. I think the reason I can read this and feel nothing is you do not cite specific instances, or make an effort to give either yourself or your “friend” a human face. You both remain distant from the reader.

I believe that you should make this piece more personal to make it stronger. And I think it can be much stronger because the situation itself is a great topic for writing. There is a great potential for emotion, and humanity in seeking the forgiveness of a friend so long scorned.

If you decide to revise or rewrite this I look forward to reading more about these long lost friends.
-dvd7936
| Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by dvd7936 | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm...I don't know if I would agree with the way that you classified this, but honestly I can't pick out a classification off the top of my head that would fit. >.o

This was a fascinating piece of work, truly. I was arguing with myself about whether this was about God, or a person. However, throughout the write, I recieved the impression that it was about God. Am I correct in assuming this?

However, I was a bit distracted by the lack of consistency, grammar-wise. Capitals here and there, spaces that should be inserted to place better flow of emotion, etc. Simple things that are really no big thing, but they took away from the eloquence.

Good work.

Kichi
| Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by Raging Rain | [ Reply to This ]
  I did like it... although you chose it's type as prose yet you wrote it as a poem... in my opinion the whole piece would work better as a prose. The piece was written, with the exception of a few lines that were very well done, with the intention of being put into prose rather than poetry.

Although, I suppose we can call this prosetry ^_^ I wish that you wrote in a description of this as to what inspired or sparked this piece. I'd like to know.

~ Aj
| Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by The Seraphim | [ Reply to This ]
  awww Ryan, this was really good. I love seeing this side of you... i hope you continue on this path.

we talked about this whole situation earlier, so you know how i feel as far as the content. I love how you've written:

So as with no thought
I had taken my life for granted.
I have no choice now
but to follow a path as winding as the devils spine.
To show my friend
that I love him.

because it's a must to go down the unbeaten path to find what you're looking for...and you've put a poetic spin on that.

just remember what i said as far as needing someone to talk to whether it be for guidence, or someone to just listen.
| Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ]

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