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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Lightdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: adnil
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 514/286/57
    Words: 159
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1366
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 908



    Description:
       I just came across this, this evening its one of the very first poems I ever wrote, I've often thought of changeing it some but after finding it again tonight I thought I'd wait and see what my fellow poets have to say about it first so any comment would be greatly appreciated
    adnil


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Lightdots
    -------------------------------------------


    They say he lived two thousand years or so ago
    That it was really quite a sight
    Wish I could of been there to of seen his light
    He spoke across the width and length of these lands
    And many came to hear him an touch his hand
    Like no other mortal who ever walked this earth
    He's done more for mankind then any since his birth
    He was as gentle as a dove
    And spoke of brotherhood and love
    Only I never got to see his light
    Wish I could of been there to have seen this special man
    To also had been able to touch the Lamb
    His father and mine are one and the same
    For without question Jesus Christ is his name
    He'll return to earth again one day
    And the world will rejoice they say
    Perhaps then I'll get to see his Light
    I'm waiting for that moment with all my heart and might




    Submitted on 2006-03-18 23:14:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is one of the best poems I ahve read here and the words you have written have touched my heart so gentle with His love, He is the reason for all things and the reason we are all here and when He comes back all that believe in Him shall see His wonderous light and be able to touch His blessed hands. I truely love this and I would not change anything about it at all a very powerful and awesome poem my friend, you are very talented. I have to add this one to my Favs and I will read it again. God Bless.


    Ladymustang
    | Posted on 2006-06-08 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very strong poem in my opinion. Although I am not religious it did touch a nerve as I knew a man who to me was just as precious as jesus is in your poem
    Keep up the great work ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Pippyness | [ Reply to This ]
      Linda
    I would not change a thing to this write
    This is beautifully written and speaks such beautiful truth
    By the way Linda you have already seen the lord anyone with such love and such a caring heart as yours has truefully already seen the light of the Lord
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron

    Londs this is a favorite
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      not one for the religious poems, but this is okay. the rhyme scheme needs work, and, like everyone else said..there are some errors. other than that, it's good.
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by radiatorhums | [ Reply to This ]
      just some minor suggestions:

    'to of seen his light'
    should be 'to have seen His light' and it should be could have not could of in a later line.

    when you are speaking of Jesus or the Lord, him or his should be capitalized. I think the same goes for light since you capitalized it later on.

    'To also had been able to touch the Lamb' should be 'to also have been able'.

    Other than those minor grammatical and punctuation things, it's a very nice poem about Jesus. It's almost like a prayer and I can see it means alot to you.
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel the genuine emotion of this peice. I do not think I would change it if I were you. I know that you could make it more polished, but I do not think that would make it better. When we speak from the heart, these are the best words. Love,Lynn
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by greensnake | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know why you would change it because it seems to me these are true, genuine feelings. So, what would you change? A few typo's but nothing that distracted me from the poem, so if I were gonna change anything it would be the typo's. But, maybe your like me, I use typo's in my poems on purpose because I tend to write the same way I tawlk.
    I thought this was nice and an enjoyable read.
    !doc'
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      I just love poems like this. Indeed uplifting. But there are some minor errors as Magnolia pointed out that need to corrected. And when you correct them this poem will be oh so much sweeter.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very uplifting Linad. This was not apoem that shoved religion down the readers throat, but only spoke of the joy you have of knowing Jesus and wishing to have know him in his earthly days. It showed a strong sesne of faith. I saw a at least one typo. Line 3, you said seem and I think you meant seen. Lines 8-10 did not rhyme well it threw me off some. Your flow could use some revising. And in the line 15, you don't have to capitalize his, unless you are refering to God directly. The last line was the most touching to me. I'd say if you do plan to update this, revise the flow and correct the minor typos. Overall, this was truely inspirational and endearing to read. Great job Linda!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-18 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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