Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Weakness out of Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Darkstar9500
    ASL Info:    18/male/Missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.36 - 39/56/19
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 640
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 438



    Description:
       Trying to make people happy at the cost of your strength. Is that right or wrong. People tend to take advantage of things that is laid in front of them. But what of the people who would see the love of offering one's self to another. Would you be strong and not offer yourself to another or do it and hope the right people come along. This poem is a little too personal I think. It's different from all my other poems. Offering one's self completly has been my downfall.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWeakness out of Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dividing among the ones you love
    Leaving none for yourself
    Creating a false paradise
    Hoping for happiness

    They over look you
    Over the world you create
    They take for granted
    the love in your world

    Weakness and frailty
    created from love of others
    Will the future hold strength or pain
    Will no one see the truth
    Creating weakness out of love




    Submitted on 2006-03-19 17:53:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I'm pretty sure lots of us know what you're talking about here, and for that reason I really like it. It was extremely easy for me to connect with; infact, just reading the description you have posted for it had reeled me in faster than you may know. I can see how it is personal, and as I would think that with you sharing such personal thoughts, they would be returned to you through another sharing his or her personal thoughts aswell. However, I won't be the one to do this - I'm simply saying that I won't be surprised if someone does come along and spill their heart to you.
    This is an incredibly good thing for a poem, because not only did you connect with the reader, but you left something inside them for even after they leave. I'm not very good for giving great advice, as I am only a novice writer myself; but I do make sure to point out either my most favourite part of the poem, or where to find the strength in your poem. And as I have told you the one thing that I respected most, I will be on my way. With just a last few words : Wonderful job stranger :)
    | Posted on 2006-05-12 00:00:00 | by stefhy | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem made me cry. I NEVER EVER took what you gave me for granted. not one kiss, not one word you spoke to me, not even one look when my back was turned. My love returned yours. I did not take yours for free. I gave you my everything in return. Sad, sad poem. but god, i know exactly what you mean by it. and it kills me. yes, words can kill. and those words did. but good poem.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by BreakAndFall | [ Reply to This ]
      Sort of like being someone else for the ones that you love. Yeah I know what you're talking about. And I dunno how many times I felt like people were taking me and what I tried to do for them for granted. You really put back that feeling of knowing you're being molded, yet you love them too much to do anything about it. Great poem.
    | Posted on 2006-03-19 00:00:00 | by emanol | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    95566

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry