Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Am I being a fool?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slybee22
    ASL Info:    20
    Elite Ratio:    5.59 - 93/64/27
    Words: 368
    Class/Type: Story/Longing
    Total Views: 258
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1890



    Description:
       it is me reaching out to someone how chooses not to reach back , anyways I go on talking (like to an answering machine)to this person hoping they will say somthing I'm opening up myself to this person but she never responds so I convince myself she is not there and hope she reads it eventually. the title is a Question could you give me an answer to it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAm I being a fool?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hello, are you even there or do you not want to talk to me?
    So what up, I mean what are you thinking?

    I hate not being able to look into you eyes,
    cause in your eyes I could see what’s what,
    what’s down....what’s going on in that mind of yours?

    I am lost but with you I can be found.

    Give us another round.

    You should know her love; well it’s like a blood hound.

    I can't run or hide (I really don't want to).
    I want her always as my Consciential guide.
    I slip and slid but she is always by me side,
    when everyone else disapeared she took my hand and said:
    “you turned of the highway onto a rough dirt road and almost every one else has gotten of at there stopes, don't look so surprised to see that I'm still here, you should know I’m down for the whole ride.”

    I did not know that I would love her as much as I do.
    Her love is strong her love is true but I don’t feel for her the way I feel for you.

    she said she loves me I said I love her and you did not in what way we ment. I love her the way a best friend oust to as she loves me , I know she will make some lucky soul a beautiful bride.

    Fight the feeling oh I tried, to myself so many times I’ve lied.

    Every time I see those beautiful eyes, I was left armor less and without a shield to combat the weapons you wild.

    Your physical is only the beginning of your assault on me: your mind is so sharp it cuts so deep, your soul it blinds, your heart so guarded yet so warm.
    You’ve left my heart here for dead.


    Are you even there, well I guess I’m only talking to myself, or should I be taking a hint?

    I have to go now but I hope you read this.




    Submitted on 2006-03-19 20:50:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      errr... how are we supposed to "bash" random thoughts? haha... Anyways, it the flow of the err... thoughts seem to be done in a rap style. You might consider classifying it under lyrics... Its sorta like a something that you've always wanted to tell a girlfriend but never able to... That that buddy of yours is just a buddy and nothing more, sorta like stop being jealous or something like that... If so, you might like to give a description of the "she" and also a bit of how you really feel about the "you"... Currently, all I read is the "I" inside. Work on the relationship more and less on the "how I feel". My 2 cents. ;)
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by unREMb | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Welcome to Immaturity one on one

    Lesson #1
    If some care enough and think well enough of what you wrote please reject there constructive criticisms and proceed to insult them as a 12 year old would (I’m so sorry your not a twelve year.
    old are you cuz if so sorry) if the try to explain there statements please feel free to post a critique of you own childishly mocking the one you received and make such you block this person from responding to thus making yourself feel like you’ve put them in there place. The following is a demensration on immaturity pay close attention as it may come in handy on of these days:

    “wel oh i treid to read this bud you engles is jus to bed an i didn realy tie hard to read realy you now oh euh i forgot what i was tying to say but i was tinking that this could be impoved if you would like buy a pick and look in miror and slam on you own head youself rael hard so it make hole into you own head and then buy funnel, or…”

    This is of course a real critique which I am oh so proud to keep on display on my page.
    What do I think of it you might ask well to be honest I was shock at first to think someone cares so much what I say. I am rather flattered, as for the remarks in the critique itself well I think the speak more of their author than of me anyways that was a bit of fun.

    p.s
    I was tired of people giving bull [censored] critiques to me not really helping me at all. And there are less people reading my stuff so and half the people how read my stuff won’t comment I post them for a reason feedback good or bad as long as it is honest I get better as a writer. So I thought to myself hay, I really never read anyone else’s stuff so I decided to start reading as much as I could and give my honest first impression and so I have done , and as I say it is only my opinion anyways that is my on that.
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by slybee22 | [ Reply to This ]
      wel oh i treid to read this bud you engles is jus to bed an i didn realy tie hard to read realy you now oh euh i forgot what i was tying to say but i was tinking that this could be impoved if you would like buy a pick and look in miror and slam on you own head youself rael hard so it make hole into you own head and then buy funnel, or peferable befor your do that and if smart while also buying pick and put funnel in to te hole in you skul and poop in a bucket and pour the poop stuff tingie into the funnel in the hole in you head and see if that's an impovement. i tink it realy migt make a diferents you sould trie it som time.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Lostinbeer | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.