[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: window silldots

    Author: __Angel__
    ASL Info:    16/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.5 - 13/7/6
    Words: 245
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 796
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1627

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswindow silldots

    Sitting on the window sill
    She looks up at the sky
    She blinks at those stars
    And relieves a great sigh

    Sitting on the window sill
    She thinks about yesterday
    She thinks about those comments
    Following her everyday

    Sitting on the window sill
    Ideas flash through her mind
    Ideas about revenge,
    About the cruelty of mankind

    Sitting on the window sill
    Her teeth she silently grinds
    She thinks of endless questions
    Racing through her mind

    Sitting on the window sill
    She looks down at those scars
    30 painful attempts to die
    30 attempts to go far…

    Sitting on the window sill
    Her heart is beating fast
    She is considering what to do
    Reciting the words she’d say last

    Sitting on the window sill
    She grabs hold of the knife
    Deciding today would be the day
    She gets rid of this life

    Sitting on the window sill
    She feels as the cold steal
    Slices her pale skin...
    A wound that wouldn’t heal

    Sitting on the window sill
    Her tears streaming down her face
    “I hate this world” she says out loud
    “But it’s what I have to face”

    Sitting on the window sill
    She slowly removes the knife
    As it drips with her blood…
    The river of her life

    Sitting on the window sill
    She looks up at the moon
    Reflecting her pale face…
    Her day will come soon…

    Submitted on 2006-03-20 06:13:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I liked the poem especially the repetition aspect of it. But it was a little long winded. If it was cut down by a few stanzas then i think this would be a very commendable piece of work. There was a good sense of feeling throughout whihc is the main reason i enjoyed it so much.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Mr R | [ Reply to This ]
      I used to be the same way exactly as the girl in the poem. It was written well, and it seems written from the heart. I wish there wasn't so much of that stuff going on now, but there is, and people do write to express their feelings.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by music1dw | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Giving written by jjd
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Linger written by saartha
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To written by SavedDragon
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]