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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What Do You Know About Pain?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 325
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 734
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2018



    Description:
       I had a conversation with someone yesterday, and he has basically shut everyone out and I think it's mostly because someone broke his heart, and he's trying to act all badass about life, and it pissed me off. He called me naive, and it just made me angry...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat Do You Know About Pain?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    You with your flashy cars
    And your array of three piece suits.
    You with your arrogant disdain of a dollar,
    And ridiculously expensive biker boots...
    You with your extravagant dinners
    Insisting on footing the bill.
    You who stays awake for days,
    You with no ability to feel.
    I listen to the words you say
    I feel your very unsubtle disdain
    A spoiled, rich kid who wreaks havoc with his whims
    Tell me, what do you know about pain?

    Did your father look at your mother
    When she told him for the very first time
    That she was pregnant with his child,
    And say, "It isn't mine."
    Did you grow up in a home
    Where alcohol was more important than love?
    Where the needs of a child were put aside
    Because someone else needed drugs?

    Did you ever wake to see figure at the foot of the bed,
    In the middle of a lonely night?
    And did you ever have to wonder
    If this time, it might not be alright...
    Did your father figure ever try to kill you,
    Just light a match, and blow you all away?
    Did you have to live with the knowledge that you didn't matter
    That you might not make it through the day...

    Did you ever have to watch your baby sister
    Slowly dying inside?
    Do you ever wish you could kill the people
    Who made her light turn and hide?

    Did you ever see the person you loved
    Fuck another soul?
    Did you ever have to watch them walk away,
    And know you could never let go?
    Have you ever watched the life you wanted
    Slip between your fingertips?
    Have you ever hurt yourself just to feel
    The touch of their mouth against your lips?

    You've never lived in this world,
    Being slowly driven insane.
    So before you write me off as naive
    Tell me, what do you know about pain?




    Submitted on 2006-03-20 07:55:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem but its very sad my favorite part was
    "Did you ever see the person you loved
    [censored] another soul?
    Did you ever have to watch them walk away,
    And know you could never let go?
    Have you ever watched the life you wanted
    Slip between your fingertips?
    Have you ever hurt yourself just to feel
    The touch of their mouth against your lips?"


    Keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by sober_x_smile | [ Reply to This ]
      That's so pretty and sad. I love it.

    My favorite part is:

    "Did you ever see the person you loved
    [censored] another soul?
    Did you ever have to watch them walk away,
    And know you could never let go?
    Have you ever watched the life you wanted
    Slip between your fingertips?
    Have you ever hurt yourself just to feel
    The touch of their mouth against your lips?"

    That made me cry.

    Very beautifully done
    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure I like this one dear... not because it's badly written but I don't like the insinuation that people with money or seemingly perfect lives don't also hurt in their own ways, or even the same ways. Sometimes money can hide abuse and pain.

    I once had a friend who's mother was a high-class Johnny Cochran level lawyer and who's father was a brain surgeon... their house was two stories taller than mine and had as much square footage as 12 of my house, they had 5 cars and an inground swimming pool. They had it made and I constantly lived in her shadow, but were best friends anyway. The point of my story is that two weeks before I had to move 700 miles away she broke down and cried like a little child begging me to protect her from "the boogie man"... I could not get an answer out of her as to who the boogie man was and why she needed to be protected, but with the help of her mother we were able to have her hospitalized and just recently found out that her father had been molesting her since she was young and at around age 14 he'd bumped it up to full on rape and she at 16 was facing pregnancy. Not everyone's life is perfect although it may look like it is.

    Although I don't agree with the content of the poem I know that a lot of people can probably relate to the way you felt when you were writing this. This poem contains a lot of what seem to be personal memories and I'm sorry you had to feel such pain -- I can relate to that part of the poem. My father abused me in numerous ways and my uncle sexually abused me for seven years, I also had to watch two of my siblings battle addiction. Pain is one of the strongest emotions, just don't let it destroy you... life does get better.

    Geez-louise... I know this was long and had nothing to do with your poem... but I found this poem almost offensive. But, if it's how you feel then it should be written and noone should condemn your thoughts.

    Now, about the actual poem -- there are words missing here and there and it doesn't flow quite right, but I think with some tweaking this poem could be pretty good.

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely loved this poem. i know ppl like him. its usually the ones with the good lifes that like to [censored] about the little thhinmgs and think that no one else could understand or possibly have it worse.

    "Did your father look at your mother
    When she told him for the very first time
    That she was pregnant with his child,
    And say, "It isn't mine."
    Did you grow up in a home
    Where alcohol was more important than love?
    Where the needs of a child were put aside
    Because someone else needed drugs?"

    i really liked this part becaus eit made me think of my family and i could relate and i like poems i can relate to.

    "Did you ever see the person you loved
    [censored] another soul?
    Did you ever have to watch them walk away,
    And know you could never let go?
    Have you ever watched the life you wanted
    Slip between your fingertips?
    Have you ever hurt yourself just to feel
    The touch of their mouth against your lips?"

    this wa probably my favorite part because i can also relate to this and it was powerful and i loved the way it was worded.

    overall i loved the whole thing. it expressed emotion and sent a good message to the person it was directed towards.

    im adding this to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]
      People are selfish, and though this poem is powerful and I agree, telling someone else they don't know what pain is is just as bad as them doing the same kind of thing to you.
    We all experience different kinds of pain, some people would be more devastated when they lose a game than when they lose a friend, more devastated when they lose a friend than a family member, more devastated when a family member does something than if their lover did the same. Or whatever. We can't really impress our own views of pain, emotional and psychological at least, onto others. To say that someone doesn't deserve to feel bad/hurt/pain about something because they haven't been through what you have been through is, in a sense, naive. Not that I'm one to speak, I'm rather naive.
    I've had many times come about where something hurt me greatly and was told I didn't deserve to feel bad because "at least you're not a deaf kid in Africa." Just because someone has/is going through something that may be worse we can not say that the current feeling is less significant.
    It's a strong piece regardless, I disagree with it in a way, but I feel it just the same. Logic v. feeling. Much the same way, I'm not saying you don't deserve to feel this way, just that we can't dismiss someone else's problems and reactions as stupid just because we wouldn't do the same. And in a way, that's what I feel like I'm doing. So I'm reluctant to actual put this comment in. But also, I don't usually hide what I think. I've been in the same situation before, on both sides of the thought, the one thinking "you haven't had it -this- bad" and the side thinking, well, I don't remember what I was planning to say.

    This is really good though, just so we're clear.
    And the "[censored] another soul?" part works better than "love another soul?" would, this poem is indignant and slightly jilted, love doesn't seem to fit in the context. I keep seeing censored in brackets, so I assume this website automatically censors curse words. If not, good. If I'm right, then I find it odd for a website for writing to do that (censor). Oh well.

    Again, good poem, I really felt it, and I also disagreed with the idea that I drew from it, while at the same time completely agreeing.

    I don't know if I conveyed what I was trying to say well, maybe I should learn to not write in a stream of consciousness so that what I'm saying is more clear. I'm doing it again.
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      Raivn,
    I agree with Mihir there: I I thought that was a powerful write!

    And I disagree with Poetotoe: i think the expletive works well and is legit in the context you used it.

    On a completely different and purely stylistic note, I thought there was a touch of "Masters of War " (Bob Dylan) in the construction of the first verse. Very interesting indeed! Well done.

    Psyve
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi there...i think it is a very powerful piece, and ur emotions flow into me. I TOTALLY understand what u feel like. There are these people who go about saying their life is [censored]ty coz they are rejected by a girl or cant go for a movie one night, but they know very little how [censored] life can get. A lot of rich spoilt kids have this thing. I've seen it over and over again. It sucks. Put them in a country like Swaziland, where every second person has AIDS or some incurable disease, a place where there is constant civil war, a place where there is no freedom of anything. Ur family can be raped and killed and exploited anytime of the day and u have no police , oh well, atleast not any police that would NOT do those things to you. There are just too many things we havent seen.
    great write...im addin it to my favs!
    cheers
    mihir
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by mihir | [ Reply to This ]
      hi, Another very good write, you spoiled it with this, tom

    Did you ever see the person you loved
    [censored] another soul? < say love not [censored]?>
    Did you ever have to watch them walk away,
    And know you could never let go?
    Have you ever watched the life you wanted
    Slip between your fingertips?
    Have you ever hurt yourself just to feel
    The touch of their mouth against your lips?
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


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