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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Miracledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: herrbench
    ASL Info:    19
    Elite Ratio:    2.67 - 15/30/8
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 1765
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1313



    Description:
       OK. I wrote this ages ago and it's a lot different (read worse) than most of the stuff I've done lately. Let me know honestly what you think of it. And let me know if you get the hidden message. It's a bit different.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Miracledots
    -------------------------------------------


    New-born babies always cry.
    Everyone knows it.
    Everyone sees it.
    Does anyone at all know why?

    Life in the womb must be really great.
    Eating all day,
    Sleeping all day,
    Slowly putting on weight.

    Then you come out into the new,
    Hoping to see,
    Expecting to see,
    Faces smiling at you.

    Too bad.

    One baby's just like another.
    Falling asleep,
    Or already asleep.
    Rarely fun for the mother.

    And the father's not usually there.
    Normally working,
    Generally working.
    Either that or asleep in his chair.

    Sometimes the baby's a big surprise.
    Nature's miracle,
    Even a miracle
    Vomits, pisses and cries.

    Excretion.

    Running and walking after a bit.
    Falling about,
    Arsing about,
    In a pile of its own shit.

    Looking like the mum or the dad.
    Starting to talk,
    Trying to talk,
    Only the grammar is bad.

    And then after a while they're dead.
    Memorial service,
    Usual service,
    Stabbed or shot in the head?

    Exhumation.




    Submitted on 2006-03-20 13:03:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      ok i liked the way it flowed and the wording you used, dont know what it means to you but to me it seems like great expectations, if thats how u spell it lol, nice write neway x x x x
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i realy like this peace i have and know people in this position right now so i can really relate i like it keep up the great writes
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by robbie | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    95668

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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