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Author: Magnolia Steele
ASL Info:    30/female/Northwest CA
Elite Ratio:    4.71 - 2492 /1825 /232
Words: 169
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1479
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 1082


I don't know where this one came from...but I liked writing it though. I was thinking if of stroms and there beauty at times. And how love could be compared to this. Tell me what you think. I don't like the title. I'll change it later. Enjoy.


I'm spinning like a dark raging cyclone.
Out of control and on the move.
Bringing me ever closer to you.
Fueled by my desire to have this...or us.
Winds of logic mesh with fantasy.
A twisted blend of old and new.

Like a hurricane I'm passing through your heart this instant.

Rain drops fall on my water picture.
Smearing images of us together.
But the colors remain there.
Thunder bellows out above your head.
Warning you to really listen to me.
So why don't you pull up a chair?

Do I have to strike you with lightning to get you to feel?

Now that I got your undivided attention.
You can find shelter in this aftermath.
Rebuild your new world with me.
See the rainbow shining bright over us?
Each of the colors is a phase in love.
Showing how vivid life together will be.

You can put the umbrella away now for good my love.

Submitted on 2006-03-20 14:35:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Great poets know how to use metaphors to build up their poems. I believe that is the case in this writing. Weather can be very dramatic such as love and combining the two is a very intelligent move. I get the feeling of uneasiness when I read this and i'm sure that this is the effect that was intended. Great Job!
| Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by ERA | [ Reply to This ]
  In the future there will be a "real time" Google Earth.

You will be able to zoom out from one spot on the Earth and see a cyclone spinning across the plains of Kansas, flipping a pick-up truck.

Zoom out some more and a Hurricaine covering the Carribean, which to the people in it looks just like strong wind and rain, fills your computer screen.

Zoom away some more and view the whole Earth at one time and you can see storms and lightning happening all over the place, encompasing the globe.

I like the way you 'zoomed' out showing the magnitude of your love and 'zoomed' back in to see the rainbows.

I would suggest that in the last line he can 'throw' the umbrella away as he won't be needing it anymore in the world you have created with your words!
| Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by D McDaniel | [ Reply to This ]
This write is absolutely beutiful
I love reading positive writes that really show a reader that the poem is written from the heart
I Hope you know I truefully Love reading your poetry and Love how every write carries a message of its own
God Bless
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice work Maggie! I liked the metaphor of the storm. You have also some really nice images, like “water picture” one.
I also liked the optimistic tone of the poem. The girl has to storm up sometimes to get what she wants, doesn’t she? Nice piece, it made me smile.
You’re right about the title, it doesn’t fit in. Maybe something like a “Love Cyclone” .
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
  hey bubz,
wow this was fab, i loved it, i like the way you compare love and breakdown, with a storm nice idea,
def gonna be added to ma faves,
keep um cumin
x x x x
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
  I prefered the other one of yours which I read today "Snow Coats"

Even though they both were completely different, there was something about this that made me not like it too much. Possibly your metaphors. Not the best of those that I have read from you. The reason why I am being so critical is because I expect so much from you, and although this isn't the worst, I am sure that you can do much better

The flow was good

Thanks for sharing,

| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
  this was really good, Maggz aka Maggwheel. that's a ridiculous name by the way. ok back to ur poem. it's kinda weird that u had to tear down everything that u both had to make it right. but i guess that if ur gonna start a new life with someone ur gonna have to leave the past behind. kinda funny that u had to hit him with lightning. damn girls are mean. good job baby. now i have to read the other one
| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  What Dave said...except for the Magwheel (have to come up with my own name for ya)

These lines...
"Like a hurricane I'm passing through your heart this instant"
"Do I have to strike you with lightning to get you to feel"
"You can put the umbrella away now for good my love."
F*ckin awesome, no need to say more there

And each stanza just paints a picture so clear and so well said...
I'm really bothered that Dave stole all my words, I must remember to beat him to writing comments...but this was great

| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ] can I ever follow up after Mike...
lol, I don't think my poems are even as deep and thought provoking as his comments...
well..then I will just say this...
perhaps you don't think the title works because the first three stanza's are about the current "storm" and the last is only about the aftermath...
maybe a better suited title would be the eye of the storm or the eye of my love...
lol...anyways I really enjoyed this..
my fave line
"Like a hurricane I'm passing through your heart this instant."

Glad you had fun writing this one....

Love Swanne
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]

I like how the first line goes with the second, I do not think it should have ended on the first line but it should have continued onto the next with perhaps a semi-colon. Even the spinning plays with the out of control, I do like that effect. On the second line you have “contol” you want “control” instead. Apart from the little nits, I like the images provided. Your key words also go hand in hand with action words relating to inclement weather while maintaining a contextual clarity. For example fuel for a storm and in this case: Hurricane the source of energy is provided over open water areas. Did you know they are working on a petroleum based substance to spay over the ocean to curtail storms for weather modification? I don’t know how viable something like that can be because oil and water do not go well together. Anyhow back to the write before I stay too far away here. Ok, I like the winds of logic meshing with fantasy that is excellent usage of language there. The feelings here are strong and very warm. I also like the old and new; that is open, it makes the mind wonder as to what those are. words that pop out at me that I like in this are: spinning, dark, raging, out of control, fueled, and twisted. Of course there is hurricane and storm but those are a given, the others take slightly more thinking to parallel them into the write.

I like the single line here, the intensity of the feelings put onto another heart is great.

the second stanza appears to be more complex. there is rain on a water picture, that would suggest distortion of some kind perhaps a view or idea. Or perhaps it is that mixture of two in a blessing like I said complex . taking what is ahead it is the mixture of the two yet still retaining that color. The color could mean many things a zest for life, convictions, and/or perhaps even mutual feeling. Thunder usually is a warning, sometimes described as something powerful same with the warning it can get ones attention. The next line further solidifies that saying verbatim: “warning you to really listen to me” I believe that chair is inserted on the sixth line because the person wanted the other to feel comfortable while still giving that attention desired.

the next line is a rhetorical question and I am keeping in mind the lightening does not have to be the same strike for the thunder (chronologically speaking) but more of another type of warning perhaps an ultimatum but I am not positive.

The end leave it off on a positive note. Though there is a storm with its warning and implied treacherous conditions there is a new horizon of rebuilding that leave one in hope. I love the rainbows representing phases in love that is wonderful also with is connection to the 6th line.

The umbrella is an important image in all this, for it shelters a person from the storm but also symbolically it represents the expectation of blessing from above so in a sense to put it away mean one the storm is over and two the blessing is waiting. Often these are not intended but it is wonderful how things tend to come together.

I like this quite a bit, there are a couple things that need touching up but I think it is an excellent piece with great images, warm emotions yet at the same time it appears to be a no nonsense approach to life's problems and it read very good contextually.

take care Maggie,

| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very symbolic and well made imagery, i had to read this about 3 times..not because i had too..but becaused i wanted too. I hope to see more of your work. 10/10!
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by xaos | [ Reply to This ]
  Trina this was a very well done piece that showed the force & beauty of weather just like it's is with your love.

I liked the colorful and sharp stanzas and the symbolic use of all the elements.
Great girl!
love,peace,joy&smilez 2 share
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Now that I got your undivided attention.
You can find shelter in this aftermath.
Rebuild your new world with me.
See the rainbow shining bright over us?
Each of the colors is a phase in love.
Showing how vivid life together will be.

You can put the umbrella away now for good my love."
i guess this is the best stanza of this wriitng
it was really good my friend ...
have a nice day and keep writing ..
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
  I guess you do hit him with worse thing then a lighning bolt ha but yeah this is good, it has a kind of comic quality to it, that makes it and enjoyable read, I like the lightness of this piece maggie and the title isn't that bad either,but then its not as catchy as it could be ok I said my piece on that have a nice day
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Maggie,
Ohhh a thunderstorm of love you got yourself here! I suppose some people you do have to strike with lightning in order to get their attention. So, when you say "you can put the umbrella away for good" does that mean it's over?
I'm really curious about that one...

| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmmm... interesting piece you got here, real nice. What really caught me was the name and the issue you chose to speak to talk about, yet you say you don't like the title. Then again it your poem you can always change it as you see fit.

The poem in itself is good and I like your use of imagery and symbolism. Keep up the good work and have a blessed day.
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  ok lets see first i got drawn to this poem cause it had the same title as one of mine ... as i started reading it the... molding ( for lack of a better word) of the storm with the mood perhaps of the conversations was just simply brilliant i saw it as the expression of ur feelings as u spoke to him starting with turmoil and ending with a rainbow other than that i love some of the images u presented the drops of rain against your water picture was one that stood out i trully liked that attention to detail and finally the final verse was powerful and deserved to stand alone telling him everything was ok the storm was over and the sun was coming out is just the kinda positive outlook that i lack in my poetry and find it refreshing in others overall a brilliant write great work :)
| Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by Shadows Life | [ Reply to This ]
  Ya know what...this was deep. Metaphorically good. Like being a storm (person) that washes away all the other storms that have or are causing problems or ills for the person you love. The most powerful storm in a sea of storms. Yet that person sees the other person as "just another storm (person)" until they get to the eye...the heart of the storm, where it is just calm and loving.
Just fan-f*cking-tastic Magwheel!
| Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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