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    dots Submission Name: Inner-City Cyclesdots

    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 231
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1127
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1428


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInner-City Cyclesdots

    the movement of a yellow sweater blurs an image in her eye
    the sounds of steps getting louder until it comes from right behind
    a nametag on a fancy dress sporting the name sally
    a single bang from a .45 echoes within the alleys...

    through involuntary movements the sound of screams fills the sky
    all the while the oblivious are unknowingly passing by
    she waits for someone to hear her plea's of sexual denies
    meanwhile he undresses her while promising "a real good time"

    over and done with he scatters leaving her in a daze of awe
    cries and cuts crowd her mind and emptyness shadows her thoughts
    make-up smeared shows the pains of another fight she knows is lost
    her dress lays ripped; 1000 dollars, wasnt the bargain that she bought

    the tears now rest on her soft cheeks, collecting into puddled spots
    she pulls her broken necklace off and throws down what was once a cross
    dignity runs away from her because she knows that he'll never be caught
    feelings of a numbing body as she realizes she has been shot

    after what seems like hours shes on a stretcher
    she screams let me die but the doctors wont let her
    2 weeks later and ready for home she feels alive and alot better
    inside her cab she notices the cabby's wearing a familiar sweater

    Submitted on 2006-03-20 14:57:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    Mother of all!!! Unreal.

    This was hard to read. Not gonna lie. It is rape and there's no way to touch upon the subject lightly. Heavy and mentally exhausting as your stomach turns. You placed so many fragments of it that I almost had to stop but I didn't and I am glad because it was worth the read.
    The ending being the final blow.

    | Posted on 2014-05-16 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      eek...nice yet extremely scary ending....funny cuz as I started reading this Dangerous Mind by Within Temptation started playin...
    | Posted on 2013-10-09 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      at first i thought this was not very good, but i loved the end. it supplied a shocking twist to the story. the plot is cool.. you might try using words that are not repetative.. like in "all the while the oblivious are unknowingly passing by"
    "oblivious" and "unknowingly" are repetitions of each other.. how ironic this work you made is.
    | Posted on 2006-10-25 00:00:00 | by Ardious Maximus | [ Reply to This ]
      very descriptive. i love it.
    maybe try to rhyme the first stanza as you did all the others, i was confused by that.
    it's kind of scary to think that this actually happens!
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Morticus | [ Reply to This ]
      wow oh my god i have the shivers,
    this got to me, i have the tingles gouing up my spine, this was fab, its just horrid to think that this realy does happen, you captured every single part of feeling, and the twist at the end was eerily sickning, thanx for sharing
    x x x x
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]

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