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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If I Couddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: adnil
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 514/286/57
    Words: 168
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1318
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1027



    Description:
       I'm sure I might need to do some rewrites on this but I wanted to get it down before I lost the train of thought
    adnil


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf I Couddots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I could build a time machine
    I'd travel back to the good old days
    When life was simpler
    And money wasn't always the color green
    But it would go a mighty long ways

    Or maybe I'd go back to Mozart's time
    Cause I like the way they dressed back then
    There gowns fashioned in low cut bosoms
    Shimmering silks and laces are brought to mind
    Yet sinfully elegant were they back then

    I might even travel back another three hundred years
    And watch Michelangelo paint the Sistine Chapel
    I think that would be a crowning glory
    For such beauty the eyes would hold dear
    His artistic strokes shinning like a fire-opal

    Oh but only if I could build a time machine
    For after all I was century's to late
    Theres so much I would stop and see
    For these wonders are much like the finest cuisine
    I'd see it all with just the dialing of a date





    Submitted on 2006-03-20 16:08:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I liked this piece. I too wish I could time travel now. As I read through this I pictured it all in my head. You were very descriptive.
    This was a very simplistic and very entertaining poem. and I enjoyed reading it. :)
    ~Amber
    | Posted on 2009-01-26 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this, Linda. I can't seem to find anything to critisize about this. You created some unusual imagery which sort of made me go into a daze after reading this. This was a creative and fun write.

    Abbas

    ps. I'd like if you took a look at my latest poem. Thanks
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed reading this, Linda. I can't seem to find anything to critisize about this. You created some unusual imagery which sort of made me go into a daze after reading this. This was a creative and fun write.

    Abbas

    ps. I'd like if you took a look at my latest poem. Thanks
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      If only we could go back in tim - what a thought. Again, very apt and the theme was very good indeed. Another very good write from you Linda.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Great write! Don't we all wish about living in some point in the past/future? ;) Love the "rush rush" feel of the poem, very contagious. ;) You might like to work on the flow a bit, and also some minor spelling errors... Otherwise, *thumbs up* Kudos!
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by unREMb | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm... interesting piece you got here. One thing though you need to check over this there are a few minor errors in this, other than that it was fairly good. Keep at it and have a blessed day.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Linda
    'This write is exceptional
    Ive had this very same idea for a theme hidden inside for a very long time
    Just imagine how wonderous and unbelievable life would be if we could truly go back in time
    Me id go back to 1986 and stay there forever
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      if i could i would to go back in time just like you.
    i'm really feeling this i understand what you are saying. next time tell me how you think you would feel and act if you were to go back.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by emcgehee78 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very good Linda. I spotted one typo. 4th stanza and 4th line, you said woners and I think you meant wonders. the last line did not fit to me. Instead of "...a flick of a date" how about "...entering in a date". The line about the ladies dresses could be taken to mean the entire dress was low cut, so maybe adding something that mainly say the bossom was low cut in those times. Maybe "With the bodice low cut gowns" or something along that line. Your flow was off a tad. But overall, this was very good nad fun to read. I like the different places and time periods you spoke of. Great job Linda!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]


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