Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: His Forlorn Facedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: melancholymaid
    ASL Info:    24/female/Tennessee
    Elite Ratio:    3.64 - 112/136/34
    Words: 30
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 726
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 211



    Description:
       I recently left my boyfriend. I lived with him for about four months and was closer to him than any guy I have ever dated. I know he is hurting, but I have to move on. I saw him the other night at the show at Ireson's pub and I don't think he saw me. I ran out because I thought he also spotted me. His face... He looked so lonely. He was sitting in the same booth that we always sat in together. It was all so surreal. I still feel shocked by it. I don't even know what to do. But I wrote this "poem" in my Chemistry class today. I don't really care what anyone thinks about it, but it is personal, I guess. Whatever. Love is the needle in the vein, causing euphoria and then pain. Love is just a word...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHis Forlorn Facedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can't stop seeing his
    Forlorn face,
    Faceted
    in its own sorrow

    I seem lost
    Somewhere,
    Swirling in the
    Twilight shadow
    of
    Nothing




    Submitted on 2006-03-20 20:50:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Bittersweet and sad..
    it's as if you know you did the right thing leaving..
    yet you still care for and feel somewhat attached to this person.

    A very deep and compelling write. It made me feel the words.

    I kept wanting the last word to be "tomorrow".. I guess because it rhymes with sorrow and would also leave the reader thinking further into what might have been.. (but that's just me)..."nothing" fits okay too...as I'm sure that was the overwhelming feeling at the time.

    Good poem.
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a deep very personal write
    I can tell your heart is huge as in this write you never refer to your own pain only his
    I hope and Pray you can move on from this relationship and use the knowledge you learned to better your life
    Im sure you will
    You seem much too positive to let sadness bring you down
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. It is always hard to break up, especially when you've been such a huge part of each others lives. Who knows? Maybe in the future... You did a great job with this short and beautifully writen poem.

    IK
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      This is terribly chilling and sad. This poem needs nothing and is perfect the way it is. Very, very, very good. Your words were able to capture and sum up your feelings perfectly.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed day.

    Sometimes these things happen for a reason, maybe presently you can't see that but later down the road it will make itself clear to you.
    Be strong and have faith.
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      this is painful... it is difficult to leave someone you once loved, even though you know it is the right thing for you to do for yourself. i can tell you have deep empathy for him and what he may be going through.. i know it sounds cliché, but time does heal.. the nothingness you feel now will dissipate and hopefully you both will be able to move on.
    this was short and to the point.

    thanks for sharing.
    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-03-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    95726

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Yearn written by saartha
    Rough written by saartha
    No More Damn Love Poems written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Two written by homeless
    Still written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Buried written by MyPeriodical
    Tidal written by OneDarkFlame92
    Untitled 2 written by homeless
    Merge written by saartha
    Hurt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wisp of You written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dreamt written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fizzy Love written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Blinded by Sight written by Torie
    Hazy Half-Moon written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Untitled - September 19, 2017 written by homeless
    Ardent written by saartha
    April 1, 2018 written by homeless
    The Forgotten Umbrella written by garnet4david
    Un Lugar Para Siempre written by SavedDragon
    Summer of Peaches written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Phoenetians and Us written by Torie
    Chèvrefeuille written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Exult written by saartha
    One Time Is Good written by Daniel Barlow
    Chapter written by Crestfallenman
    X written by homeless
    Blank Page written by Chelebel
    After a Dream written by KeeperOfLight
    Orange written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry