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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: ...Life of a Rock Star Poetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: geherald
    ASL Info:    26/male/PA
    Elite Ratio:    5.07 - 132/127/42
    Words: 330
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 1116
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1750



    Description:
       I wrote this as an experiment for a Poetry Workshop... just posting it to see what you all think about it...

    PEACE and LOVE


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots...Life of a Rock Star Poetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A Day in the Life of a Rock Star Poet

    Sitting in the hallway in a building on the campus where you transferred to a year ago in order to escape across the country from your childhood home that now you miss and cant wait to be able to move back to but first you want to actually graduate from college even if it is seven years after you graduated from high school in then town you hated so much that you couldn’t wait to move away from which you finally did when you transferred to this college more than two thousand miles away where you now sit in a hallway waiting for your next class eavesdropping on a beautiful girl conversing with her friend who is not all that good looking all the while wondering if you have a chance with either one of them since you haven’t been laid in years but instead of approaching them to press your luck and use your natural charm you sit on your bench alone writing which is the reason your last girlfriend left you cause you spend more time with a pen and paper than you ever did with her so you think now that women aren’t interested in a writer so you no longer even attempt to talk to them preferring rather to sit alone in a hallway listening to random conversations and writing about your miserable love life and hoping that one day all your random thoughts will pan out into many millions of dollars in a signing deal with a major publishing company because you think writing should be more like the music industry and poets should be treated like rock stars cause then you’ll get laid whenever you want by beautiful young groupies instead of sitting in a hallway on the campus that you transferred to in order to get away from the home that you now miss and cant wait to move back to.




    Submitted on 2006-03-20 21:48:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really like this one Greg...it makes me sad a bit though :( If it's any consolation I can't wait until you move closer to home and aren't halfway across the country anymore...it gets lonely without your best friend.
    | Posted on 2007-06-07 00:00:00 | by LuckyEmz | [ Reply to This ]
      The thing is, Orson Scott Card was right. Solitude is the best environment for creativity. If we were fed what we wanted, wouldn't we be nailing groupies instead of writing?

    And then the groupies would want me to write something about them. Only not them. They'd want to be someone else. Maybe a hilarious prostitute with a heart of gold. Who knows? It gets too complicated when you bring others into the picture.

    Good write. It was the most interesting sentence I've read all day :)
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by SpartanSteve | [ Reply to This ]
      Thoughts:
    I can’t tell you how happy I am to see some PROSE on this site! The one sentence paragraph style reminds me of Conrad or some other literary giant. It seems to work well since this is a stream of consciousness piece. Up until the bit about being a rock star poet it was a much darker piece, with a much less humorous message, personally I liked the darkness. (Yes, I am a vampire I know.) However, I admit the bit of humor adds more to your character, and gets rid of the pity factor, which you probably did not want. It also keeps you out of the “angst/loneliness” trap which many writers fall into on occasion. (Not that this is not a great topic, it is just that the competition is steep.)

    On the topic of writers being alone, I agree with you. (Or, perhaps, I have done the same thing looking at two girls.)
    ["Writing is a solitary occupation. Family, friends, and society are the natural enemies of the writer. He must be alone, uninterrupted, and slightly savage if he is to sustain and complete an undertaking." -Jessamyn West]

    I like this piece, (as cliché as this sounds) I relate about missing home and having pretty much given up on having a relationship, and if you don’t believe me read Home or Raindrop.

    I am not sure if the end is merely the completion of the thought that is the piece or something more. It seems like the whole piece is a diving into you, going past layer after layer, and then retracting back out until we are back on the surface of your mind, aware only of your nostalgia for home. It is a nice affect.

    One grammar change needed:
    “should be treated like rock stars cause than you’ll get laid whenever you want by…” I think that THAN should be a THEN. I believe than is used only in terms of greater than or less than, and then is for everything else.
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by dvd7936 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is kind of depressing and comical at the same time.

    i liked it. but i think you need to add punctuation and capitals. it would make it easier to read. right now you cant really tell where one thought ends and the other begins...
    unless you did that on purpose. because sometimes if you are just sitting there thinking to yourself. its just a stream. ..a stream of consciousness. all your thoughts just seem to scream at the same time and in this case they just try to get out through pen in whatever order as fast as they can so they kind of fuse together and you go back to the same thoughts multiple times. if thats what you were trying to convey...then maybe the no punctuation thing works for you. it definitely gives it a sense of run-on

    i kind of like the idea of that. it reminds me of my psycology class my junior year of high school. my teacher had us do streams of consciousness where we would write whatever came to mind.

    i think this could be a good brainstorming tool. kind of a way to sort out your ideas. well...at least get them on paper.

    other than that i dont really have a critique for this. maybe if you wante to make it slightly easier to read you could do line or stanza breaks. other than that i thought it was a fun read. like i said kinda funny and sad at the same time.

    thanks for sharin'!
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by vintagepepper | [ Reply to This ]


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