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I hate my life and most of all how you left me to bleed and did the absolute minimum like I am someone you felt obligated to for some half assed reason and then turned around and made me feel shitty for ever needing you in the first place. I deserved more and gave you all of those precious moments that were wrapped for only you and now I am falling in a pit that is full of snakes and monsters and little bits of you mixed into the swirl of what used to be the way you felt long ago. The sudden change of climate has made cloudy questions of What, When, Where, and most important Why and I try to make them go away but they have become my life and the knowing that I hold no special value while I sit here flopping on the deck makes me wonder how long I can do this without the water that I need... But then again, maybe its me and maybe the mistakes I've made have made you become this entity that haunts me to this very second and this whole thing is completely unnecessary and I am crazy in a Sybil sort of way and you are just in your attiitude. |