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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sunsetdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BreakAndFall
    ASL Info:    18/f/mo
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 115/153/59
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 830
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 925



    Description:
       Losing someone... and feeling everyone around me lies. I hate those around me sometimes.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunsetdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sun fades into a red glow
    Angry words disturb the flow
    Of blood within my veins
    Light keeps bleeding into horizon
    Keep telling me more lies and
    One day I will believe
    Cloud covers all creation
    Terror destroys the nation
    And life just slips away
    One tear falls into the ocean
    And is lost within the motion
    Of waves and tide and spray
    I feel like I can't find you
    Calling out into the darkness
    Searching for you, know its hopeless
    Keep on trying just the same
    Search lights shining into my eyes
    Blinding me with all your lies
    Tell me I will someday live
    Tell me I will someday die
    It doesn't matter its all a lie
    And someday I will see
    But not today
    Today I'm naive
    Tell me you hate me, I'll believe
    I won't know the difference




    Submitted on 2006-03-21 01:33:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      One tear falls into the ocean
    And is lost within the motion
    Of waves and tide and spray
    I feel like I can't find you

    there are some times in our lives that we feel like this ... as the poem .. so .. it was great ... i really love it .. very good wording ...
    thanks for sharing
    peace and lvoe
    and take care
    Victor
    have a nice day
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very strong poem, and it almost overflows with emotion. I like the metaphors and similes you've used, they are very expressive. I think this is something nearly everyone can relate to, I know I can. One thing, though. In the 3rd line, you've written "bood". I'm not sure that's even a word... But perhaps it's just a typo? Anyway, that just confused me when I read it.
    All in all a great poem..!

    Take Care,
    -Natalia
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by Natalia Petro | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that natalia was correct in saying that this is something most can relate to...
    Losing someone through death or other means is one of the most difficult things the soul has to endure. The only suggestion i could give you would be to break the poem into stanza's...It would make it much easier to read.

    Swanne
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]


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