Obey thy mother and thy father
What if your parents are comitting crimes
Will you shut up like they tell you to?
Thou shall not steal
What if you had no other
Your only way to eat or save lives
Obeying something silly such as a book
Anyone could have written it
A God that doesn't exist
How do you know it was an act of God
And not of Fate
What if your so called god came back to earth once more?
Would you believe him?
Would you worship him?
Of course not!
You're a false believer
not only believing something that doesn't exist, but doubting it as well
What is wrong with you!
Wars over religion
Wars over races
Wars over everything
What happened to honor thy neighbor
If everyone's always killing their neighbors
Well just shake your head and say
God will forgive me
What kind of god is that!!
HE has rules yet let's you break them
And he'll forgive you
Your God dies today!!!
| I like it, a lot of close minded ignorant people could pick it up and critisize your beliefs. I am not gonna do that, it wouldn't be right for me to try to point out something that you already know. I just know that I would hate it if I wrote something from the heart and something that I believe in, and somebody found a way to say what you think is wrong. |
I think your poem was brilliant it found a way to talk about things that we all know bible thumpers and athiests. Great job, I think I will add this to my favorite list.
|| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by luckyms20 | [ Reply to This ] || i liked this piece a lot!..i guess because i could relate, i don't think God exist either..the flow of this poem was great..the emotion was nothing short of flawless!|
"Obeying something silly such as a book
Anyone could have written it
A God that doesn't exist"
These lines i loved the most, it had sort of an angry feel to it..i could relate like hell to these words...although no one knows if God exist this poem is still great, and i liked the way you said that some people are false believers, because they doubt God..because almost everyone questions God at some point..anyhows i really enjoyed readng this piece, it was Great!..keep up the great work!
|| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ] || sigh...tis sad...i'm not going to shove my beliefs down your throat, i just wanted to point a little something out...|
you dont believe in God...in that statement, it would also be fair to assume you dont believe in heaven or hell either...so why is your location in the depths of hell...
I find it quite sad that it's so easy for people to believe in the evil parts of religion, ex: hell and the devil...but cant fathom the thought of God.
i'm not saying i'm a religious freak...yes i smoke, yes i cuss, yes i perform sex acts that are illegal in 40 states...but at the end of the day, i believe in god.
|| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by MmR | [ Reply to This ] || A God that doesn't exist|
Everything that you said up until this point I liked. I like that you were saying that life sometimes is to cruel to follow any set of rules.
A God that doesn't exist
THere is no proof. And you sound so thoughtful before this point. Stating that there is no God as a fact weakens the poem. I think that it is obvious that there is some creator. And as silly as the Bible is most of the time, without it I think that the world would be a worse place...those that follow it, not hypocrits, but those with true beliefs and true morals are kept this way by their faith. Without the myth of God things would be so much worse, I think saying there definately is or isn't a God is naive, and presumptuous. If you were to say ' I believe there is no God!' instead of 'there is no God' I think people could take this poem more seriously.
But overall I liked it. I just think that maybe you should be more open-minded about a creator.
|| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ] || Overall, this poem is very transparent and its meaning is... let's say typical, of the thought process of someone who can not see themselves as incorrect. I was about this same way when I was 14 to 15, in regards to religion. I'm still an atheist, but I'm no longer pugnacious about it, if only because I don't have a great desire to tell others that they're wrong about something neither of us can really be certain of. I still argue with anyone who tries to push -any- belief, religious or othewise, on me, but that's usually as much as I do on it. So, some points:|
Lines 1 through 6 make a good, if commonly mentioned, point about the commandments. If one considers that you follow the commandments or perish in eternal hellfire though, one can not say following the rules no matter what is very silly. To a person not of that particular faith, it is silly, yes, to someone of the faith, it is everything. Mind you, of course, that many people of this particular faith are not very faithful, as noted in lines 25, 26, and 30.
Line 8: Saying anyone could have written the book is not a very powerful argument in any way. Yes, anyone could have written the book, that doesn't exclude anything, it doesn't present an argument. It's like saying anyone could have come up with The New Deal, yes, anyone could have, but someone(or some people depending on how you like to think of history textbook's crediting procedures)
Line 15: As far as I know, according to the Bible, God never came to Earth. At least, that's what I remember from what I read in the Bible. I'm hoping you at least read the text you're attacking and not choosing sections that fit your "argument." Believe me, the Bible is an argument against itself well enough. The only thing I can give you here is that some, not all, believe Jesus was a physical manifestation of God. Within the context of the Bible and the words in it (assuming the translation from the original language all the way to English is considerably accurate), there is a strong argument against Jesus being a physical manifestation of God. Won't go into it. So this particular line makes your argument seem poorly looked into, or perhaps I'm just not catching onto what you're saying, or you're speaking of Jesus as being God on Earth, in which case the line is understandable. I'm giving you options.
Lines 11, 20, and 32, are examples of the youthful "I'm right no matter what" aspect of this poem (because they all state God is not real as fact, not consideration or personal belief. You could say line 32 is not specific enough to fit into this category, if I need to explain it later, I will). It makes the poem more difficult to respect, much less want to read unless the reader is also an Atheist that feels a need to assert their atheism I do like the idea considered on lines 18-20 though, so while line 20 makes the poem weak, the two lines before it lift it just a bit off the ground. Few, if any, believers of any religion go through their whole lives without doubting it, or losing their faith. Not having faith is considered a negative thing when it comes to the Bible. So lines 18-20, if anything, are the most interesting lines in this poem.
My final thoughts are that this poem is rather plain, weak, and written more to make the author feel superior than to try to discuss or intelligently make a case. There are no clever word uses, no metaphors really, the imagery is cliché "wars over religion/wars over races/wars over everything" if we can call that imagery. The thing about clichés are that, an idea can be cliché, but a person can take that idea and make it look fresh, new, novel and original. I didn't find any such things in this poem. I admit that I have written some poor poems like this as well back when I was certain that I was right and the established things were in no way correct. Without actual though, research, discussion, understanding, and consideration one will quickly find it hard to be taken seriously. To me, this poem was written because the author felt oppressed, spurned, and angry at something. My guessing that is because I did a similar thing in a similar situation around age fifteen. It's understandable.
So, don't quit writing, don't take the negative critiques to heart and just give up, but don't get mad either. Learn from mistakes, learn from others, read a variety of things, from what you disagree with to what you agree with. Talk with people, listen more than talk. Mostly just don't take what seems like purely negative thoughts too seriously, all humans have a different view and mine is possibly worse than yours, yours is possibly worse than mine, or they may be equal. I prefer equal. Good luck with things.
|| Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ] |