Your Face
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Description:
Repetition is taking away from this....eh just comment
Your Face
If I could rise above this I would be free If I could rise above this I would be safe But as I try to get up I'm weighed down As I try to fight through I'm pushed back If I try to end it you're there on my mind as I slice my hand You won't leave you're there and your face I cannot hide Dissapointment on your face cutting me like the blade in my hand Fear in your eyes choking me like the air I breath Anger in your heart burning me like the flame I held Go away don't you understand You let me live Now let me die |
Submitted on 2006-03-21 13:28:06 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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It was well written my frined you are going through alot right now, and just when you felt like you were to kill yourself, that something or someone was holding you back, good job.| | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ] | wow..i loved this..the repitition in the beginning wasn't bad at all..i thought i went well..the flow was a little off, i guess because of the way you cut off lines to show one word with more importance. | "You let me live Now let me die" I thought these lines were the best, they just had so much emotion..and anguish..and the longing to be free, and just happy dead...i could relate to that a lot..i loved this piece a lot..keep up the great work! -Lucy- | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ] | |
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