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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Facedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Flamequill
    ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77/97/35
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 814



    Description:
       Repetition is taking away from this....eh just comment


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Facedots
    -------------------------------------------


    If I could rise above this
    I would be free

    If I could rise above this
    I would be safe

    But as I try to get up
    I'm weighed down

    As I try to fight through
    I'm pushed back

    If I try to end it
    you're there
    on my mind
    as I slice my hand

    You won't leave
    you're there
    and your face I cannot hide

    Dissapointment
    on your face
    cutting me like the blade in my hand

    Fear
    in your eyes
    choking me like the air I breath

    Anger
    in your heart
    burning me like the flame I held

    Go away
    don't you understand

    You let me live
    Now let me die




    Submitted on 2006-03-21 13:28:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It was well written my frined you are going through alot right now, and just when you felt like you were to kill yourself, that something or someone was holding you back, good job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
      wow..i loved this..the repitition in the beginning wasn't bad at all..i thought i went well..the flow was a little off, i guess because of the way you cut off lines to show one word with more importance.

    "You let me live
    Now let me die"

    I thought these lines were the best, they just had so much emotion..and anguish..and the longing to be free, and just happy dead...i could relate to that a lot..i loved this piece a lot..keep up the great work!

    -Lucy-
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]


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