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Your Face

Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 123
Class/Type: Poetry /What you did
Total Views: 1019
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 814


Repetition is taking away from just comment

Your Face

If I could rise above this
I would be free

If I could rise above this
I would be safe

But as I try to get up
I'm weighed down

As I try to fight through
I'm pushed back

If I try to end it
you're there
on my mind
as I slice my hand

You won't leave
you're there
and your face I cannot hide

on your face
cutting me like the blade in my hand

in your eyes
choking me like the air I breath

in your heart
burning me like the flame I held

Go away
don't you understand

You let me live
Now let me die

Submitted on 2006-03-21 13:28:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  It was well written my frined you are going through alot right now, and just when you felt like you were to kill yourself, that something or someone was holding you back, good job.
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by SavedDragon | [ Reply to This ]
  wow..i loved this..the repitition in the beginning wasn't bad at all..i thought i went well..the flow was a little off, i guess because of the way you cut off lines to show one word with more importance.

"You let me live
Now let me die"

I thought these lines were the best, they just had so much emotion..and anguish..and the longing to be free, and just happy dead...i could relate to that a lot..i loved this piece a lot..keep up the great work!

| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]

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