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    dots Submission Name: Braceletdots

    Author: shoggoth
    ASL Info:    24/m/croatia
    Elite Ratio:    4.74 - 80/84/30
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1058
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 825

       A poem I wrote for a girl to go along with a silver bracelet I gave her (the bracelet is shaped like two snakes stroking each other) .. no special meaning here, just tried to enbeautify a jewelry object with a fascinating story behind it :))

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Soldered to a metal cage
    Our shaly tails entangled
    Forged around an iron circle
    Our movement is but strangled

    A frozen stance of timeless peace
    Binds our poisons near
    A tandem of immortal spite
    Brands the wrist with fear

    We sought for one another long
    Drying veins of mortals
    We're serpents, snakes, we're wing-clipped dragons
    We're venomous immortals

    Our eyes engaged towards the distance
    Our gazes never are to meet
    Or else the passion may engulf us
    And prevent our poisoned hearts to beat

    So hold our necks upon each other's
    Lay our stomachs on thy skin
    We're angels, lovers, wing-clipped griphons
    We are each other's evil twin

    Submitted on 2006-03-21 13:55:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was a great poem. I thought it was very creative and touching. It kept my attention unlike some other poems. The rythm was great and I thought that you worded it perfectly. I'm sorry I can't give much feedback but I really have nothing but good things to say about this poem.

    Great Job!

    | Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by XxXPromiseMeXxX | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting write
    But Im sorry I do not see the connection between a bracelet and Life
    Life is forever and a bracelet can break and fall apart
    Its an interesting write
    But you did lose me in a few spots where the rhythm just did not meet
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting poem. I found the flow to be pretty well done as well as the rhyme as you describe this bracelet as well as the relationship with this person all in one poem. You use lots of good descriptive words to allow the reader to connect with this piece. Sounds like a pretty cool bracelet and a most interesting relationship you two have. The last line sums this up really well. I think you did a fine job with this poem and I would imagine whoever you wrote this for felt that was as well. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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