Bracelet by shoggoth

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Submission Name: Bracelet dots

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Author:	shoggoth
ASL Info:	21/m/croatia
Elite Ratio:	4.71 - 78/84/30
Words:	112

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	194
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	825

Description:
A poem I wrote for a girl to go along with a silver bracelet I gave her (the bracelet is shaped like two snakes stroking each other) .. no special meaning here, just tried to enbeautify a jewelry object with a fascinating story behind it :))

Bracelet dots

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Soldered to a metal cage
Our shaly tails entangled
Forged around an iron circle
Our movement is but strangled

A frozen stance of timeless peace
Binds our poisons near
A tandem of immortal spite
Brands the wrist with fear

We sought for one another long
Drying veins of mortals
We're serpents, snakes, we're wing-clipped dragons
We're venomous immortals

Our eyes engaged towards the distance
Our gazes never are to meet
Or else the passion may engulf us
And prevent our poisoned hearts to beat

So hold our necks upon each other's
Lay our stomachs on thy skin
We're angels, lovers, wing-clipped griphons
We are each other's evil twin

Submitted on 2006-03-21 13:55:34 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This was a great poem. I thought it was very creative and touching. It kept my attention unlike some other poems. The rythm was great and I thought that you worded it perfectly. I'm sorry I can't give much feedback but I really have nothing but good things to say about this poem.

Great Job!

```Chrissy```
| Posted on 2006-10-22 00:00:00 | by XxXPromiseMeXxX | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an interesting write
But Im sorry I do not see the connection between a bracelet and Life
Life is forever and a bracelet can break and fall apart
Its an interesting write
But you did lose me in a few spots where the rhythm just did not meet
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an interesting poem. I found the flow to be pretty well done as well as the rhyme as you describe this bracelet as well as the relationship with this person all in one poem. You use lots of good descriptive words to allow the reader to connect with this piece. Sounds like a pretty cool bracelet and a most interesting relationship you two have. The last line sums this up really well. I think you did a fine job with this poem and I would imagine whoever you wrote this for felt that was as well. Take care.

Lorna
| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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