[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: untitleddots

    Author: chilz
    ASL Info:    20/F/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.89 - 137/147/84
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 762
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 706

       story of child abuse

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    so much depends on
    the little girl in the corner

    her face wet with tears
    her thumb silvered with saliva

    she holds the key to our future
    holds our past within her tiny fist

    beaten down by an angry mother
    she hides behind her closet door

    wasting away like a puddle
    drying up in the heat of the sun

    do we not see her hallow eyes
    not see the bruises on her arms

    a fallen angel that keeps drifting
    slys away until she can no longer be seen

    so much depends on the little girl
    laying almost lifeless in her cotton sheets

    Submitted on 2006-03-21 18:28:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      really good poem reminds me of the one i wrote about my past but heh its not as good as yours lol you used imagery really well and i think it deserves a pat on the back as its a very hard topic to write about (for ppl who don't understand) my favourite stanza is

    a fallen angel that keeps drifting
    slys away until she can no longer be seen

    partly because it uses my username and that is how i delt wiv it until i had the guts to stand up for myself and get the law involved...

    anyways really great write definitly a faves addition

    take care and good job

    izzi xXx
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by fallen_angel384 | [ Reply to This ]
      a fallen angel that keeps drifting
    slys away until she can no longer be seen

    This is beautiful... I'm so glad you chose to tackle this topic... Not enough people realize how sad and tragic a child that came from a violent background is...You did this beautifully...such sad, pretty images
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the overall meaning, that we need to remember these broken spirits because they contribute to our society as a whole... Liked it
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by manicsmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this. I like how you took the line from William Carlos Williams's "The Red Wheelbarrow" (well, part of a line), "so much depends..." and made this so different. Williams' poem is so visual wth no emotional content, and this is both. "Fallen angel" is quite the opposite of its original use (the devil) too. Nicely done, Amy
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW your imagery once again was wonderful, gave me a great impression on what you were describing my favorite line was the one about her thumb being lined with silver saliva thats the one that stuck in my head the most. It conveyed a lot of emotion for me to when you talked about her mother and all. The only thing is maybe worked on how the over all piece flows together, at some parts it rhymes then at others it sort of loses it, anyways i enjoyed this piece, kepp up the wonderful work i would love to read more of you stuff soon! Have a great day! Amber
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    AI written by poetotoe
    Linger written by saartha
    Every..... written by jackz
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    What happens written by Wolfwatching




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]