untitled by chilz

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Submission Name: untitled dots

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Author:	chilz
ASL Info:	20/F/WA
Elite Ratio:	3.89 - 137/147/84
Words:	127

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	225
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	706

Description:
story of child abuse

untitled dots

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so much depends on
the little girl in the corner

her face wet with tears
her thumb silvered with saliva

she holds the key to our future
holds our past within her tiny fist

beaten down by an angry mother
she hides behind her closet door

wasting away like a puddle
drying up in the heat of the sun

do we not see her hallow eyes
not see the bruises on her arms

a fallen angel that keeps drifting
slys away until she can no longer be seen

so much depends on the little girl
laying almost lifeless in her cotton sheets

Submitted on 2006-03-21 18:28:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
  really good poem reminds me of the one i wrote about my past but heh its not as good as yours lol you used imagery really well and i think it deserves a pat on the back as its a very hard topic to write about (for ppl who don't understand) my favourite stanza is

a fallen angel that keeps drifting
slys away until she can no longer be seen

partly because it uses my username and that is how i delt wiv it until i had the guts to stand up for myself and get the law involved...

anyways really great write definitly a faves addition

take care and good job

izzi xXx
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by fallen_angel384 | [ Reply to This ]
  a fallen angel that keeps drifting
slys away until she can no longer be seen

This is beautiful... I'm so glad you chose to tackle this topic... Not enough people realize how sad and tragic a child that came from a violent background is...You did this beautifully...such sad, pretty images
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
  I like the overall meaning, that we need to remember these broken spirits because they contribute to our society as a whole... Liked it
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by manicsmuse | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this. I like how you took the line from William Carlos Williams's "The Red Wheelbarrow" (well, part of a line), "so much depends..." and made this so different. Williams' poem is so visual wth no emotional content, and this is both. "Fallen angel" is quite the opposite of its original use (the devil) too. Nicely done, Amy
| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW your imagery once again was wonderful, gave me a great impression on what you were describing my favorite line was the one about her thumb being lined with silver saliva thats the one that stuck in my head the most. It conveyed a lot of emotion for me to when you talked about her mother and all. The only thing is maybe worked on how the over all piece flows together, at some parts it rhymes then at others it sort of loses it, anyways i enjoyed this piece, kepp up the wonderful work i would love to read more of you stuff soon! Have a great day! Amber
| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]

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