Whispers by AngelOutlaw

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Submission Name: Whispers dots

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Author:	AngelOutlaw
ASL Info:	19/female/WA
Elite Ratio:	4.37 - 672/392/64
Words:	107

Class/Type:	Prose/
Total Views:	214
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	777

Description:

Whispers dots

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The ink bleeds the pain
She can't bring herself
To drain from her body.
The pages of letters
Cry the rage, sorrow, and fear
She can't admit to them.
Her tears burn the paper,
Leaving it permanently scarred
With her wishes to escape.
The words reveal
A shattered reflection,
A broken spirit and soul.

Alone, quiet, drawn within herself,
She drowns in the darkness
Of a lightless existence.
Haunted by shadows,
Secluded from the world,
She stays awake in the night.
Suffocated by memories,
Overwhelmed by a future
Darker than her past.
The ghosts of what once was
Torment her mind,
She lives to die.

Submitted on 2006-03-21 20:02:12 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  This poem is the epitome of depression. I can honestly that was the GOAL of this poem, and in that, you were successful. That's what makes it good. A writer draws their words from experience--and whether that be a present experience, a past one, or whatever, it doesn't matter. Anyways. It was good. It had real depth, and though it does leave the reader feeling kind of despairing, it conveyed certain emotions very well.

{Kate}
| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Jester_Gesture | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm, it was a good read, I found that I enjoyed it. It's a subject done often, true, but at least you've done it well. I liked the descriptions and found the actual point of this work to be blunt in that subtle sort of way.
This was one of those things that draws you and, and keeps you lightly satisfied until the end.

One thing I'd like to praise is the lack of repetition - something that plagues alot of the works submitted here.
| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Flynn | [ Reply to This ]
  She lives to die.

it seems like this chick is haunted by something constantly and the fact is she loses all hope, something essential for a person to keep moving in a forward direction. kinda depressing babe. good job though
| Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  very good i thought it was good kind of depressing but very very good well like i said i thought it was good. it sort of made me think about everything alot but ya i hope u kinda get the picture
| Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by AudreyPerl | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this piece... but it leaves me with a feeling of despair, like there's no optimism left in the word and there's no such thing as a better day. I hate this feeling, but somehow I love your poem. So I guess poem and feeling will have to learn to live with each other, lol.

Overall the poem is good and well written with good imagery.

-x- Candie
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
  What I liked about this, was it did not bore me to sleep, as these types of poems can do because of the repeated theme. I actually enjoyed this much. Good for you for taking such a cliché' and making it work...
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by manicsmuse | [ Reply to This ]
  To me this was a rather depressing piece, showing that no matter what path she chooses to take no good can come of it, because the memories of her mistakes hold her back. I know this feeling fairly well, which is why I identify with it a little bit. I really liked the fact that it didn't repeat words and it didn't stray too far from the overall message. However, I still feel like such sad poems are becoming less and less original. It's a good piece, but sadly even though its unique it still feels like a repeat.

SB7
| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

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