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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Looking Backdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenroses
    ASL Info:    17/m/indiana
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 191/192/62
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 828
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 494



    Description:
       what do you think? what do you feel? does it make you complete?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLooking Backdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was caught looking back,
    On the mysteries of youth.
    Caught up in the moment,
    Of tag by the barn.

    I have lost all my days,
    Of swimming or running.
    Lost in the shadows,
    Of some haunted house.

    I have fallen in love,
    With the days of old.
    Fallen on rocks,
    And scraped my knee.

    I lay down the memories,
    And continue without,
    Laying in the grass,
    And watching the wind.




    Submitted on 2006-03-21 20:43:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was a very delightful piece. I like this but I feel your rhythm is a bit off, the poem to me just seems incomplete and to then answer your question on if it complete the answer would then be no.

    But regardless of that it was a fairl good write and the message of the poem was clear and wonderful. Keep up the good work and have a blessed day.

    Sorry if my opinion was a bit harsh.
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this piece, not because of the rhymne scheme or the structure or even the words you used, I enjoyed it simply because of the message that it showed. It wasn't neccasarily depressing, rather, it was refreshing and a wonderful reminder of childhood and the care-free attitude that accompanies it. It was a tad short, but thats not a bad thing; it makes the poem finish without becoming stale. Good stuff.

    SB7
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    95858

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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