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    dots Submission Name: You have departed...dots

    Author: Departed One
    ASL Info:    17
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 678/290/48
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1615
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 848

       This poem was written quite sometime ago when my Grandfather passed away. It was a terrible experience for the whole family, especially those who lived with him. Those last days were especially terrible. I guess this is just a summary of how the situation impacted on me. Hope you enjoy the poem and have a blessed day.

    This is the poem that won me the contest, thanks again to those who read this.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou have departed...dots

    When you first became sick
    it was such a surprise,
    you were never sick before this.
    The Lord had always managed to keep
    and preserve you.

    But now you're gone.

    I remember that day,
    yes that fateful day,
    the day when you departed.

    I felt so helpless, so useless
    as I watched in bed-
    Turn, twist, stiffen... dead!
    There, tightly in death's embrace
    you lay.

    But with your death I felt a
    great burden being lifted from
    my shoulders.
    I felt a certain relief.

    No, I wasn't glad that you
    were gone but that your
    suffering had ended.

    So sweet was the Kiss of Death
    upon your lips-
    Beloved one
    To whom
    He gave His peace.

    Submitted on 2006-03-21 23:06:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I remember this one Jason. This was your first really good poem. I really liked this one Jason. Brought tears to me eyes. I guess I'm a bit emotional thats all. Anyway, really enjoyed this Jason. Keep it up.

    | Posted on 2006-05-31 00:00:00 | by Dragon of Roses | [ Reply to This ]
      This is indeed a very touching poem. I, just as many others, can relate to this one on a very personal level. I know I told you about losing my grandfather, so I wont get into a long explanation, but I have been there and it is awful. I know the extreme sadness and the immense loss, yet I also know that sense of relief when you know they are not suffering anymore. This is a very well written poem. I am happy to hear you won a contest here with this one. It surely deserves it! Very lovely write. Take care.

    | Posted on 2006-05-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      How did I miss this good poem? I think you did a outstanding job with this poem. It had a touch of pain or sorrow, but you also had a hint of joy when you spoke of the fact you realized your grandpa no longer was suffereing when he passed no matter how much it hurt you to lose him. It was as if you stepped outside of your own pain and thought of your grandfather, very unselfish and made this such an endearing piece. I can see why it won a contest. Great job Jason.

    | Posted on 2006-05-21 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice write. I think I would have to agree with you 100% here..
    When you love someone that much, as much as you want to keep them beside you always, It would be a crime to want to hold them within a world that has caused so much pain..

    Excellent work.
    | Posted on 2006-04-23 00:00:00 | by Vampirism | [ Reply to This ]
      Dear Jason, as one whom has also suffered the death of someone close whose life lingered I appreciate your emotions. You wrote this piece very well and the honest approach you took added to it's appeal. If I had any criticism it might be that I may not have divided the verses up as much as you did but never having won any significant contest for my poetry I think I'll shut-up. Nice work! Diamond Dan
    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      Congrats for winning this contest you were talking about (which?).
    This poem made me think of what I heard today. the father of a former classmate died. I don't know him well, and not at all do i know his father, but it was shocking in some way. He died of cancer and I think it would have been a relief too, because its such a painful, exhausting disease. You worded it quite well.
    I hope you can think about your grandfather with loving memory.

    Darth Zeus
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by Darth Zeus | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a great write and one that I can relate to more than I would like to admit. My Grandmother died of cancer a few years ago and we took care of her in in-home hospice care, so we were there holding her hand when she died and I completely understand the relief of someone letting go and not suffering anymore. This was a great write on a very difficult subject.

    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Graeme
    Death is a very hard theme to tackle
    You handled it suberbly
    And Congratulations on the contest win
    I too believe like you that your Grandfather is in Heaven looking down on you waiting patiently for the day you too will reunite
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent write, and congrats on your win. Death is always a hard subject to tackle, even more so if it's a personal one, like your grandfather.

    I'm sure he would have been proud to read this.

    well done

    be happy

    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonderful -
    I really, really enjoyed this. Very sad, last summer I went to a total of 6 funerals of friends and family. This hits close to home for me and many others.

    The last stanza was the most powerful - I have always loved the saying, the kiss of death, it seems so much more peacful.
    Thank you for this.
    I can see why you won -
    take care
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      I lost my first son a few weeks after his first birthday. What I saw and felt was revisted by your poem. It has emotional impact that is clearly stated. Maybe becuase of my experence I could relate. But I think those who might not now the loss of of loved one wold also be able to feel, sesne, what the loss feels like, and it's emotional impact as stated so well in your writting. Excellent work!
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Noah | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this the first time I read it and my opinion hasn't changed. This was, technically, my favourite line "Turn, twist, stiffen... dead!" It holds a sadness that isn't shown with emotion but with events. A wonderful piece that clearly reflects the many thoughts and feelings that would overcome someone at the loss of a person so dear.

    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      I felt the saddness at your lost in this write, and yet I can very well understand the relief of knowning he is not in any pain anymore,I thought you did a very nice job on this write
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you captured, perfectly, the way many feel at the passing of a loved one whose passing came through pain. And yet even age can bring a suffering. Beautiful. Releasing. Comforting.

    | Posted on 2006-06-22 00:00:00 | by IamYourTragedy | [ Reply to This ]
      great poem! I like the narrative quality, and after reading it I felt that I could understand why you were feeling as you were. I like how you say that you felt a great burden being lifted because it kind of relates to the whole idea of the soul leaving the body after death and it therefore connected you even more to the death of the person you lost.
    | Posted on 2006-04-17 00:00:00 | by pamplemousse | [ Reply to This ]

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