Kingdom of Hell by ladydeathstrike

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Submission Name: Kingdom of Hell dots

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Author:	ladydeathstrike
ASL Info:	19/F/Chicago
Elite Ratio:	5.08 - 233/255/77
Words:	209

Class/Type:	Poetry/Dark
Total Views:	221
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1257

Description:
HeY hElLo aNd HoW aRe YoU? ThIs PiEcE iS jUsT mE eXpReSsInG mY pAiN aNd AlL tHeSe FeEliNgS I cAnT SuPpResS

ThAnKs FoR tAkInG tHe TiMe To ReAd

Kingdom of Hell dots

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I sit in the grave that I call home,
feasting on worms that feed off my flesh.
Nobody comes to knock on the door,
and I forget about the world outside the gates.

My eyes have gone away with the years,
sitting here are hollow holes who never feel.
The flames of my death, the passsions of life
are moments that i always regret.

My kingdom is cold but I have learned to live with the guilt, yet its the memories i cant silence.
When at night I try to rest, the gnaw at my brain
as much as I beat and drain the blood, the images never falter once.

Caught in between life and death,
How much more suffering will satisfy their thirst?

I've been crucified by my pain,
I have been burned by their words,
been slaughtered by their hate.

I know what it is to be drowned in your own excrement,
to see the end come and kiss the filthee feet of death.

The take everything but the memories
peeled my flesh apart,
tortured my soul,
raped my mind.

There's no escape from this Kingdom of Hell
I know my fate
This tragedy that has no end.

Submitted on 2006-03-22 08:44:19 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  woops, typos, ring** not rig (ignore this bit b/c it wont let me post just my typo) dsfkj'wpeojfsdfl ksdf lkdsf' lksdf sdflkeh iilkhwle dfffffff
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Aprie Chick | [ Reply to This ]
  ello. 1st off, I love the concept, and you have a rlly good rough draft. I found a few typos: My kingdom is cold but I have learned to live with the guilt, yet its the memories i cant silence.
When at night I try to rest, the(they)?? gnaw at my brain
as much as I beat and drain the blood, the images never falter once.

There r more, but you can find the typos yourself, such an easy little task. Something that would have been good would have been imagery. You make the place you are seem cruel and unforgiving. Great.. but Kingdom of Hell right? Theres nothing about burning, or heat, though u did mention flames. The picture I got was a dark, cold, black grey & dismal bluey colored graveyard where one rots. Something maybe a little more psychotic would have been cool, like demons dancing around a rig of fire, of which the graveyard that you are rotting in is placed inside. Bright flames that taunt you, glowing walls of hatred. You get the idea. Anyway, just a thought. Nice write all the same :) ~Rachel~
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Aprie Chick | [ Reply to This ]
  I found this piece to be a bit hard to read... i'm not sure why exactly. i like the words you used in this piece... but it didnt have too much of an impact on me personally. I feel that with a little work, maybe a re-write, this could be really powerful. i seen one line that i REALLY liked, but it was so long, that it was almost as if the power in it, burnt out before it was over. it was so long, that all i wanted to do was skip it and go to the next line.

"My kingdom is cold but I have learned to live with the guilt, yet its the memories i cant silence"

Why not try ending it at guilt, and start a new line in the stanza with "yet it's the memories i can't silence"

to me, it seems as though it would be much easier to read, and would flow a lot better. not to mention, in my opinion, the shorter lines, that include the power words... give pieces more of a "punch"

i did like this piece, dont get me wrong, just found it a little difficult to read.

-Poetic
| Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Poetic | [ Reply to This ]
  I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT! The beginning was like "HEY BIOTCH! READ ME!" I couldn't turn away. I like the imagry and how you used the word crucified. I can't help but think that you are not talking about actually death. Something about this poem makes the speaker seem alive but very depressed. Thanks for the read.
| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Midnight_Rose | [ Reply to This ]

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