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    dots Submission Name: Shallow Waterdots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 702
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 652


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShallow Waterdots

    I fell in love
    With shallow water
    It licked my shins
    Surrounded by
    River bed lips.
    Full of curves and bends
    All its beauty slips
    Over pebbles and rocks
    Clinging to my legs
    Like emerald moss.

    Flowing around my image
    Against my body
    Creating domes
    Shifting murmurs
    Spoken in words of foam.
    Whispering to me,
    "I love you too,
    But leave me alone
    You disrupt my flow."

    So, i remove my feet
    From my heart's star,
    Kiss the water gently
    And continue to love
    From afar.

    Submitted on 2006-03-22 11:33:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Great write, The imagery was well written.
    Whispering to me,
    "I love you too,
    But leave me alone
    You disrupt my flow."

    So, i remove my feet
    From my heart's star,
    Kiss the water gently
    And continue to love
    From afar.

    Highlite for me, made me think of a lost lover, very beautiful and toching.
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by dustinamoody | [ Reply to This ]
      Thought the description and the image both was done very nicely, this is as excellent write,I liked the last stanzas it has nice way of making one think that it could also be spoken of a person an not just to rivers waters
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this... I'm a very outdoorsy, nature loving person so I can relate to this. There's really nothing about this that I'd change, except like hyproglo said -- expand your descriptions so we can truly envision this river and your love for it in our mind, without a doubt, the same as you envision it in yours. Great work.

    -x- Candie
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by teenage_dirtbag | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this and I liked what the water said to you, it made me giggle. Your descriptions were a little weak...it would have been nice to see them expanded on a bit, ya know? Some rivers should be watched and not disturbed, I agree.
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

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