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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Use of His Nailsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 230
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 638
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1327



    Description:
       I like this one, it is different from my normal style but I was inspired by a friend.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Use of His Nailsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    It was a personal and guilty thing.
    He kept her underneath his fingernails
    And sometimes he would scratch his hair in thought and she would become crowded with dead skin and hair particles. To consume him was her ultimate goal, a goal that not only did she find most difficult but at the same time nearly impossible. He was fabulously unattainable. His long, frazzled hair mocked her pain. His dingy sarcastic smiles left her viod of emotion.

    "I'll keep you here forever." He told her.
    From beneath his rosewood nails she whispered back. Her reply was intended to be angry and holding dignity. What it actually was, sounded so much more frail. Her true meaning was lost as it progressed to his ears. By the time the waves and ripples of sound found him the tone of her voice was nothing but that of a school girl with a crush. He could not take her seriously, and in this he knew that she would always live underneath his nails. The rosewood one. He could use her as he pleased because she belonged to him. His possesion.
    " You are cruel" said she.
    "But my cruelty towards you is your only door of my affection."
    And the girl knew this to be the ultimate truth. So she slept underneath his dirty nails and onl woke when he called her.




    Submitted on 2006-03-22 11:55:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think particles should be folicles, like, hair folicles. And I believe viod should be void, but damn, this is neat.. I don't understand the rosewood whatnot, but damn, the description of the hair and smile really got me. There's a clear struggle of emotion and power, and that awesome, literal factor, of her being under his dirty fingernails. Heh... she'll be runnin over some other girl's back via his fingernails, with her luck so far.. peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2006-03-30 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      Hee, hee...the first comment says "The last few lies seem to have a different rhythm than the rest" I know it was a typo...but it looked funny...Your poem is lies! Who inspired this? It's curious...Not like your normal stuff...what were you thinking? Just given it back to ya,sis...
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a real good write but the structure of it makes it look sloppier, although alot of people write pieces like this. i guess im just used to 4 line stanzas. but yea this reminds me of the collector but alot more pg-13. keep it up this was a good write

    - kase
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well written peice, but it seems like it might break off too suddenly. The last few lies seem to have a different rhythm than the rest, almost a different style all together...
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]


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