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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chalice and Sworddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 824
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 349



    Description:
       The formation of the words sort of look like a cup don't they?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChalice and Sworddots
    -------------------------------------------



    a chalice that lay at the foot of the bed
    a sword that hung in the air
    threatening to the cup of wine
    but the sword had a purpose
    to protect
    and reproduce
    to help the chalice understand her role in life





    Submitted on 2006-03-22 12:16:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i particularly enjoyed the subtle undertones to this peice that your comment on the temple of philae told me was probably intentional.
    | Posted on 2006-05-09 00:00:00 | by brokenmuse | [ Reply to This ]
      It sounds like you may be portraying a person as a sword protecting one of their loved ones.
    Anyway even if I'm not right about that, this was a good poem. Good job.
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]
      weird...i don't see how the sword is both threatening and protecting the chalice at the same time. the sword floating in the air reminded me of the Sword of Damocles which means there is always impending danger
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
      On a first read this poem seems rather vague and possibly weak.
    But we can try with a few more reads.
    I'm going to work on the thought that the sword represents a male, and the chalice/cup, a female.
    Reasons for that: Chalice as female - "to help the chalice understand her role in life"; Sword as female - guessing its gender is the opposite of the chalice.
    A) A possessive male
    1. The chalice is at the foot of the bed, some people can interpret things at the foot of the bed as being submissive, or secondary. That could be a piece of unintentional symbolism.
    2. The sword hanging over the cup, threatening to it, it seems as if though the sword is always there, hovering over the chalice. The chalice is afraid that the sword may harm it.
    3. The sword's purpose is to protect and reproduce. This can be viewed in two ways, the first one being, the sword sees itself as the protector and thus makes itself the protector and it also feels that the reason it is there is to reproduce. In a way it is just using the controlling and using the chalice. This area of the interpretation I'm not real dedicated to, I can't really convey what I'm thinking.
    4. The last line though, the sword is "helping" the chalice understand her role in life? Well, we can take that one two ways too. In this section, the way we will take it is as if the sword is actually telling the chalice what she will be doing. Controlling her. The sword is oppressive, the chalice submissive---below the sword.

    Could be wrong.
    B) A loving male
    1. I have no idea how being at the foot of the bed could be spun positively (when dealing with symbolism), this may just be my own setback. So, that's it for that one now.
    2. The sword in the air, threatening the cup of wine. Well... The best spin is that the sword in that line stands for the thought of losing someone, and so, that thought is threatening to the cup? Still, not very certain.
    3. The last four lines are easier to figure into the "loving" thought... To protect, obviously the sword protects the chalice, out of duty or love is up to the individual, though if we're trying to prove the loving thought, then out of love the sword protects. To reproduce, the sword is willing to have a family with the chalice? Seems a reasonable thought.
    4. Helping her understand her role in life is not necessarily the sword trying to control her, but instead, actually helping her, guiding her, being part of the learning and understanding experience. This seems a reasonable thought.

    C) Overall
    1. Overall, it seems like the chalice is dependent on the sword more than the sword is on the chalice. Perhaps, the sword is drawn to the chalice because of the ease of controlling it, or because of a sense of love. Interpretation and experience of the individual is key.
    2. The poem reads well enough, it is a bit difficult to interpret, if only because the imagery is not very strong, but it is there and strong enough to give the ability to make some interpretations.
    3. I'm not sure how to interpret a cup of wine as I don't drink and don't care much to listen to people talk about things dealing with any alcohol. Teetotaler and all. A vague idea is that wine is a symbol of love, or passion. Though there is not really enough in the poem to allow one to find an actual reason for the cup to have wine in it. I could be wrong, and we should always work on that assumpting [that a person could be wrong, especially when trying to interpret/help].
    4. In a way, the poem being rather vague allows for a broader range of interpretation, which allows the reader to think a bit more. I couldn't really connect very well to the poem, and that may be why I'm having trouble with it. I kept reading it and still couldn't really figure out even what I thought about it.
    5. There is some confusion. The sword is threatening to the cup of wine, but its [the sword] purpose is to protect and reproduce? To me, this almost complete paradox of relations makes me lean very much to the idea of the sword representing a possessive male, possibly emotionally abusive. This may be bad, especially if the poem was not meant to instill that kind of idea at all.
    6. The length of the poem is and the words used really didn't seem to give much in the way of "profound" meaning, but then, I could just be clueless or demanding when it comes to words. I tend to be lengthy, as you may have noticed. Not asking to be spoon-fed, but also not wanting to be malnourished. I can understand the length of the poem and the short vocabularly in it because, I'm guessing, you were trying to shape it like a cup. The unfortunate part is that the website doesn't really allow for much formatting, so the centering required to make it look like a cup is lost. The idea behind making the words of the poem form an image of something in the poem is refreshing, but lost on anyone who didn't see it originally, or copy and paste it and then center it.
    7. I don't know what I accomplished with this lengthy comment, but all I can say is that this isn't all that great, and if you worked a little more on it (or the idea that formed it) then it could become something. I can see a great amount of fleshing out that this poem could have, but then it would be my poem and not yours. Try to be more descriptive, if possible. If this poem happened to deal with an area of more personal life, then that may be why I [or anyone who doesn't know you well] would be less likely to really get much out of it. If not, then I don't know, my guess is what seems like a lack of imagery.

    Correct me on the incorrect things. Thank you.
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...I've read better...Seems we're both trying to go in new directions...and maybe not doing it as smoothly as we'd like...Oh well, what is life if not a misguided attempt to expand...I know a very hot guy, Jaz...sure you've heard about him from Steven...He's very hot...
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, short or not, maybe it was just something at the tip of your tongue that you just had to get out. I do that all the time and I always turn it into something else, especially when I don't mean to. Anywho, your short and sweet writes are what you do, so keep it up. I like the short ones, and not the exaggerated ones that go on and on for nothing. To the point is always good, maybe with just a little eensy, weensy bit more detail. :)

    Desser
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Desser | [ Reply to This ]
      you changed your pic something new this wasnt one of your best that i've read but i still enjoyed it
    even though it was short the meaning is very
    profound

    great read
    sandman
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      Well as for the character of the peom, the peom itself seems to "cut off" or end like the swipe of a sword. Which is kinda cool...

    It does look like a cup, try centering it, I think the sillouhette of the cup will be more pronounced.
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Jakirina | [ Reply to This ]


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