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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crocodiledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: elephantasia
    ASL Info:    37/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 398/490/159
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 847



    Description:
       In my inner garden there is a pool which represents my emotions. It is guarded by a crocodile.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrocodiledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Grassy dew bathed my sore feet as I tip-toed to the periphery of a well-deep pool. I could smell my own fear as it slipped down the slope of my appled cheek and dripped from my chin.

    The creature appeared to be resting on the water's skin, not a wrinkle crinkled there.

    Guardian of emotions; green as mother nature's hillside blanket, bumpy as a pebbled beach. Spear-sharp, tunnel-dark smirks lurking beneath serenity; seemingly dreaming.

    Many a wrestling tussle have we brawled out and bawled about together. Thrashing, crashing, teeth gnashing, battle-thrashing, ego smashing; the walls came crashing. Long did I bottle up, toting up the scores, until they throttled me.

    Release is relief. Release the grief.

    Hence, for now, my weeped-out crocodile sleeps.




    Submitted on 2006-03-22 16:52:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A well write. The 'symbolism' of the crocodile and the water pool worked well. The structure could have been better, I think, but it was adequate. I have no actual suggestions... as I said it is a fine write and a good addition to a writer's repetoire.
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by Flynn | [ Reply to This ]
      this is really well-written. i love the idea of this crocodile guarding the pool of your emotions. quite unique and effective.

    i love the last line, alluding to the crocodile tears... very nice. made me think of a line in Cold Mountain, "I won't cry one tear for my daddy, I stole it off a crocodile..."

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Every word I can think of sounds so cliché' but this is great, well written and reads beautifully.
    I really like the gaurdian of your emotional pool
    Well done
    Lisa
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by ravenwolf68 | [ Reply to This ]
      I absolutely love reading this. Just saying it out loud makes my tongue tingle. LOL.
    The alliteration and word sounds fit so well.. and the metaphors were outstanding.
    This reminds me of the phrase"crocodile tears".. though your meaning is somewhat different. I would never have thought of a crocodile as the guardian of my emotions. I love it.
    Excellent! From the first part about the "appled cheek" ..on down to the last part where you wrestle with your emotions.. and the sweet release as the crocodile sleeps.

    Great job!
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting i couldn't really depict the meaning of it, i guess its cause my minds to cluttered with other crap right now. Im not sure, maybe later i will reread it and get more from it. Sorry this comment has basically sucked lol. Talk to you soon. Amber
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      Oo ma, this is excellent. I love every single word and can only give it my highest award.

    Superb writin

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      Very deep and interesting. It is like the pool is your safe haven but also the place you meditate and beat your self up at as well. the crocodile is your innerself that whips some sense into you. This was very well written and the ryhming was awesome! I could be wrong but that is what I take from this poem. Very good job!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      A interesting and insightful piece that most of us should be able to relate to. I feel the need the look at all my emotions from top to bottom, inside and out before I allow myself to react. I guess it reflects a certain insecurity or perhaps not, I never even had Psychology 101. I enjoed the read. Nice work! Diamond Dan
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      Very nice little story. Everyone has something that guards their inner self. I liked your crocodile and pool description. And I think your words brought on a serene setting. Everything, even the dangerous creatures, look peaceful when they sleep. But ya dont wanna wake em, ya know?
    Thanks for sharing.
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      Seems to be a real flaw in this piece like maybe you forgot to include the poem,though don't feel bad I've done it too
    adnil
    | Posted on 2006-03-22 00:00:00 | by adnil | [ Reply to This ]


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