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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Darkdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 173
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 568
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1073



    Description:
       This was written a long time ago...I was very depressed...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDarkdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The day breaks, and sleep comes
    They say it's darkest before the dawn
    My heart aches, my head throbs
    I can hardly supress a yawn.
    My eyelids feel heavy, my lips are so dry
    I have to fight to stay awake.
    Slowly sinking into a puddle of apathy,
    This world is more than I can take.

    I wonder what waits beyond the pain,
    Is there a hope, a guiding light?
    Or does this agony end in something worse,
    With more pain, and bigger battles to fight.
    I wonder if death really is the end,
    Or just another trial to face?
    I wonder if it is all in vain,
    This fruitless search for happiness, a waste...

    I don't want to be here anymore,
    In this world, so dark and vile
    I don't want to see the daylight come,
    Don't wanna pretend to smile.
    Night falls, and with it brings,
    A reminder of each of my sins.
    It's so dark here, and I'm so, so cold,
    Oh, look, I'm crying again...




    Submitted on 2006-03-23 12:00:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      thanx for the comment on scarlet red part 2 is a little off beat i intended it that way the next section is also a little deeper in dark love
    as far as the length i read a couple of yours that are long as well

    i liked this piece you wrote the emotions of tears and darkness was really good

    thanx sandman
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      ...I'am so attracted to the depressing, and the dark. I am fond of yous especially for the reason I felt this way, just yesterday on the BD
    The parts where the confusion drift in mind and depresses you even more...is something I do all the time. The world is a tragedy, and don't even know what's beyond death, Brings the human frame to tears.
    you have a good ryhme in the write,
    it flows good, not great, but good.
    It still is a very neat poem
    rAbit=
    | Posted on 2006-04-01 00:00:00 | by rAbit | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this piece as well... very dark and depressing - just my kind of poetry :) The imagery you used was good, and your choice of words was great as well, not being repetetive, which is hard to do. Overall, I say it was an excellent piece!
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Your rhyme scheme worked very well in this piece, i think it worked better then in the last piece, i thought it was admirable how you put so much description into this one as well. I had a very vivid picture in my head the whole time while reading this one. I noticed you used the word pain a lot in this one, my only critque would be to maybe switch the words up just a little. those are just suggestions though. Talk to you soon! Amber
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      Your rhyming was pitchy and so was the flow. But you captured the true feelings of someone who is very sad or depressed. This was realistic and it was nicely written. I think there were several lines that stood out to me. Very powerful and heartbreakingly true of one who is down in the dumps. I hope you feel better soon. Good work.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Geez man this was eerily creppy in a sad and dark scary way. Ha I just said a bunch of nonsense and don't I look cool? Seriously though this kind of surprised me.
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


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