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    dots Submission Name: Not A Homedots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 624
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 683

       A few weeks after Tony left, I just walked into the house, looked around, and burst into tears. This was the end result

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNot A Homedots

    This house is not a home anymore,
    The rooms are empty and dark.
    The air is filled with a stubborn chill.
    This place now has no heart.

    The walls were once covered with smiling faces.
    The rooms were filled with cheer.
    The warmth of love made it cozy and bright,
    But that warmth is no longer here.

    This house is just an empty shell:
    A foundation, some walls, a roof.
    The front door that once welcomed everyone
    Now just stands cold and aloof

    This house is just a sad reminder
    Of what it used to be...
    A place full of love and laughter,
    A home for you and me.

    Submitted on 2006-03-23 12:02:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    I can see this talking about an actualy house....but I can also see it talking about someone's heart. Most often...people refer to a heart as a home...considering it is the center and home of all emotions.

    Either way....I know what you mean. Our actual house used to be full of at least occasional laughter and smiles but now....it's all stress, anger, and sadness. Well...for the most part. I don't let it bother me anymore. But I also know the whole "heart" concept as well. At a time.....I thought that I'd never find peace and happiness because of all the dark things that had made home to my heart....but....what do ya know? It's all better. I mean...I have occasional problems like everyone but at least I know that love is there and will always be. God, friends, and music mainly secured that. Some of my family helped a little but mainly God, I'd say.

    This was a great write. It makes me sad....but I'm used to that considering you usually write sad poems. It's just how you role......
    | Posted on 2006-04-11 00:00:00 | by bleeding-soul | [ Reply to This ]
      So sorry I took so long to get back to you but I had been rather busy , but as you can now see I have some free time.

    I like this. Hmmm... I think mainly because you hold true to the title. You did a very good job writing this, you flow, rhythm and rhyme were good. You use of imagery was also very good.

    They say home is where the heart is, yet it is clear the persona in this is unhappy currently
    where he or she resides. They lament the fact that it no longer feels like home, everything that once made it home is gone. Be it the lost of a love one or whatever.

    You did a very good job conveying this message and allow the reader to be able to connect and understand. Keep up the good work and have a blessed and wonderful day.
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      oohh, I loved this one. It was very simple, yet very powerful. I totally picture standing in the house, scenes of memories playing in my mind, and then coming out of my reverie, and exiting through the front door, looking back one more time on the happiness that used to be there, before closing the door, and succumbing to the reality of coldness, and loneliness. Really great write!
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      well yeah it was fullof feeling of sadness becuase of tthe house is not ta house anymore
    some times that happens .. well keep writing and thankd for sharing it was an ok write..
    and if you have time please take aloook to my writings
    have a nice day
    peace and love
    and take care
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this very much. I'm sorry your are going through this. I can relate to this very much. I liked your honesty and the raw emotions of feeling lost and alone in this house now missing one. and how you pointed out the actual house is the same, but the feelings for it and in has changed. This was nicely written. The flow was off a tad, but not to bad. This was very good.

    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh the last stanza of this piece was so good. I liked how this piece was about a house, i have read a few but none that i really like, i like this one cause i can tell all the emtion in this work of yours. The first impression i got was an old abondoned house that my great great grandparents lived in but they ended up tearing it down when i was about 8 years old.... I know i had the same feeling towards their house though when it was getting torn down. Thanks for sharing this piece with me i loved the read. Hope to hear from you soon and have a wonderful day, or like i always say at least try to! Amber
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by amber_in_wyomin | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this one, I think that I have rad it before if I do remember correctly. I love this poem though, because I think that you describe perfectly what a house is and what a home is and the difference of the two. I like this a lot.
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

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