Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: Linkins_knot
ASL Info:    14/Male/Behind a Computer
Elite Ratio:    2.12 - 20 /46 /19
Words: 197
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 706
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1198


I had a project in my computer class to make a video so me and my partner chose suicides, so i made this poem for it...


The world is hard today
The more pain
My body begins to sway
I gain most of this pain
It all comes to me like rain

Everybody laughs at me
The laughter is needles to my heart
I cannot take it
I begin to start screaming

I decided to cut myself to see how much it bleeds
I think its some sort of ventilation from my heart
All the pain… Just starts to depart

Along this pathway I had taken
It didn’t help
It just left me scratches and scars
I continue to do this even though I yelp

All of my friends have abandoned me
I tried to be there friend again
But they all don’t care anymore
All these pains are turning into sores

Many more that’s start to begin
I’m starting to agree my life should become an end
It should seize

No one would care if I died
They will say they did
But it would all be a lie…

Out of my life I some how survived
I’m somehow lucky to be alive..
Now I just have to say to the world…

Submitted on 2006-03-23 15:49:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  I hope your project went well or is going well.
The last line of the second stanza needs a bit of revision. You either start screaming or begin to scream, but don't use two words with the same meaning in the same line.

This is a great effort and I'm sure it added to your project.
| Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
  hey u!!! how ya doin! hey ill be ur friend! im everyones friend im that nice! ok sometimes on a good day! anyway! this is good!! its sound like a poem i wrote called "Final Goodbye" where all u want 2 do is just leave this world and the pain and the pppl that caused it! good job! its a fav!!
| Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
  hey, i like this poem very much, one of the best i have read in this genre! espically the last stanza

| Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Robert Neville | [ Reply to This ]
  ohh thats cute i really liked it i understand the feeling behind it and i guess more it reminds of someone that i have been and will continue to be...great write -jess-
| Posted on 2006-05-08 00:00:00 | by gothicgirl | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?