Hee hee! I had to read this a couple of times before I fully understood it. At first I thought something was missing but then as I read it again, I realized I was just missing the pauses where they should be. Then it made me smile. So many possible meanings behind this one. I know someone that popped into my mind once I read this and understood it. We all have laughs with tone that mean different things. I wonder which one you are referring to here. This is short and sweet and leaves much to interpretation. Very nice. Take care.
I really like the formatting you used on this piece. However, I agree with harri that it isnít exactly a poem, but it would make a great dual introduction/conclusion. If you added a little in the middle and repeated this at the endÖI think it would be really cool. This is a good thought but not quite a poem Let me know if you decide to do anything with thisÖbut you donít have to ya know, because itís yours.
I've written poetry this short, but this sin't relaly poetry. Its something which could be part of a poem, its a good quote, and introduction, a conculsion. it is not something which is a poem in its won right. If it were to be published, you wouldn't be able to get the nessecary emphasis on the words you highlighted.
The idea of the poem, the message you have what you want to convey is all very cool, its a strong message, and one which is easily relatable too. But that is not the be all and end all of a poem. There has to be more.
There is no exploration of theme, no message other than someone is a [censored]. If the poem were, to put it badly, flowery with lots of images, you could just have images of the hurt, or anger etc but when its this short you ahve to offer something more.
In a short poem, the greater the variety of words the better. Repition in a long poem is a tool. It is used to add emphasis, to remind the reader of the whole idea. In this poem, the central idea remains at the forfront through out so a little variety could be useful.
Finally its not that orginal. And yes you cna say i was harsh, that i was unfair, that it means something to you and i should appricate that. And i do appricate that, but there are options with this whole poem.
One you could take the idea and do a poem poem, a poem which tells a story through strong imagery. Two you could take the idea and write a short powerful poem, there are lots of types of structures availabel for experimentation on the internet.
This reads just like the idea, like you thoughts its unfinished in my opinion. harri
ok, i had to kinda read it a few times to read it with the correct rhythm to this, which doesn't say a lot about me because its only 4 lines long lol....
I can't really comment too much on this because of the fact that it's short, but oddly i kinda dig this...you know, maybe you should make the What in the first line bold as well, just to make That laugh stand out a little more... hell i dunno...i'm still feelin like a retard that i had to read this more than once to read it right lol