[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: goodbye i guessdots

    Author: james110182
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 46/48/33
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 679
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 576

       I have recently lost all my friends including one who meant the world to me. I forced her to look at me too close. She didn't like what she saw. Even if the image was distorted by another persons lense.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsgoodbye i guessdots

    She hung on my tongue and thanked god for every day I was here.
    We would spend day and most night on phone waves vibrating across town.
    Sharing ideas and past diseases we stomped through our world without fear.
    It even seamed murderous friends and loving enemies couldn’t bring us down.
    But like most fallen empires we destroyed our own kin.
    Now my words are turned against me when they were given without fee.
    Evil deeds from smiling thieves tear my skin.
    I told her I love her and she told me she would never love me.

    Submitted on 2006-03-23 19:29:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I am very impressed with the depth of the emotion in this poem. It strikes a nerve with me because i went through a situation that was semi-comperable. The whole time reading it, i was thinking, 'I know it's not my business, but I want to know this story. What happened to the two?' Then, at the end, you told me. It was rather a "harsh", if you will, ending. The understatement (just spitting out the cold facts) after all the feeling was a terrific use. It made it have that much more impact. Keep this up, and great things will come from you.
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by Whildkaht | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. you definately put a lot of emotion into this poem. i really enjoyed reading this. i could picture a young couple struggling through hard times and heartbreak. keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by Kat Feline | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem was mysterious in a way,.. because it lead your mind in so many directions all at once.. I liked it, because it had a lot of emotion. Im going to have to read more of your pieces to really know about you as a writer.
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by jules271 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow..I really liked this piece...definetely going on my favs ...It made me sad..a feeling i know oh too well...the last line killed me, honestly.....Its happened to me..and its not the best feeling in the world at all.....unrequited love sucks very badly....It had so much emotion..and it was so deep..I could tell you spilled yourself here...nicely done..loved it!!..keep up the great work!!!

    Lucy ^_^
    | Posted on 2006-04-16 00:00:00 | by rainbowXrazors | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]