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    dots Submission Name: A Beautiful Patriot Torndots

    Author: icaughtfire591
    ASL Info:    16/f/MI
    Elite Ratio:    4.27 - 75/74/39
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1332
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1269

       i had to write it for government.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Beautiful Patriot Torndots

    The beautiful patriot
    Lies on the battlefield
    Under a threatening foreign sky…

    Curious that as the bullets whistle past,
    The one that found it’s target
    Does not seem to matter much in him
    Or his comrades that have been downcast,
    But he is so thirsty for a sip of water
    To clear the dust from his throat,
    Yet on the thick crimson liquid that spills so warmly,
    The soldier will choke…
    As it puddles around his head,
    the gunfire fades away, and
    Fallen face down, he drowns in the drink
    that his country has provided for him.

    So we can only ask this government
    Which seemingly knows best,
    Smiling with it’s painted over face
    Under a falsely warm pretense
    Where is the life
    in liberty and the pursuit of happiness?

    There is only one solution to keep the flag
    from being ripped and torn;
    We have to find an alternative
    To these deadly wars.

    The beautiful patriot
    Lies on his country’s battlefield,
    Beneath a cold, gray foreign sky…
    But he cannot see the flag that he lost for,
    And is blind to the purpose for which he dies.

    Submitted on 2006-03-23 20:04:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||

    This is well said and moving.

    I happen to agree with your point so this hits near home for me. Beyond that I feel the images are stark and on target. The form and flow make the point vividly clear.

    Nice work!

    | Posted on 2006-03-25 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a very powerful write. I think you had a fine use of imagery and was able to capture your reader completely. This was well written and it was something that we all that are Americans probally think about. I like the way you did not bash, but simply told a tale with a bad end. Great wrok!

    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... very true! The futility of ALL wars, and who really suffers in them comes to mind.

    I liked the irony you used of thirst he feels as he is dying and the warm liquid (his own blood) that DROWNS him at the same time.

    Well written.

    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]

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