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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Last Goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: stefhy
    ASL Info:    21/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 165/83/37
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 1274
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1078



    Description:
       A pretty old poem, but I'm still sort of proud of it. (Even if it is just another poem about heartbreak.)There's one line that bothers me more than all the rest, but I don't want to say which line- because perhaps it's just me? lol. Anyway, any and all comments are greatly appreciated.:)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Last Goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    This lonely heart is brutally shattered.
    A pressure builds from no blood spattered.
    My chest aching,
    I can't stand the pain.
    I gave you my love, and with you it remains.

    A bitter storm rages deep inside.
    Hot acid rain are the tears that I cry.
    My eyes are burning,
    I've cried far too long.
    You've left me feeling, like I can't go on.

    All of my trust, bestowed upon you.
    Those three words, this fool believed true.
    Entrapped within,
    Is my heart and soul.
    I know you don't love me, but all of me you hold.

    I can't bear any longer to hear your name.
    I hate that I still love you the same.
    Memory hurts,
    I need to forget.
    I'd never have fallen, if we hadn't met.

    Shredded are the pictures of you that I had.
    As I hold every piece in the palms of my hands.
    Blow one last kiss,
    Moan one last cry.
    I guess this is it... My last goodbye.




    Submitted on 2006-03-23 20:05:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi,

    The original form of the poem is important and mark the way a person felt with the raw emotion flooding onto the page, first of all this is an emotion filled piece and a piece of your heart was cast into this as well, great write.

    Slight re-write:

    This lonely heart is brutally shattered.
    Pressure builds from no blood spattered.
    My chest aching, unable to stand the pain.

    then in another paragraph:

    All of my trust, bestowed upon you.
    Those three words, believed to be true.
    Entrapped within,
    Is my heart and soul.
    I know you don't love me, but all of me you control.

    Great piece

    Kind regards
    Eric
    | Posted on 2007-02-25 00:00:00 | by bornx2000 | [ Reply to This ]
      great poem, really speaks to me on an emotional level, it would be nice if u could comment some of my other works, especially "Don't Leave Me" because that's proly my best one. and btw i don't listen to the Goo Goo Dolls, should i remove that poem though??

    -Rain
    | Posted on 2007-02-21 00:00:00 | by Midnight Rain | [ Reply to This ]
      This is yet another really good piece of work. I love the way you can put so much pain into words.



    Sage
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by sageeriol | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem and i think that it is one of the few that really comes from the ture base of emotion the soul .


    great write
    piece sk
    | Posted on 2006-05-23 00:00:00 | by stormkrow | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this poem. You have expressed your feelings well with your words and this poem is nicely written. I know this feeling you speak of in this write and it really is a difficult feeling to deal with. Heartbreak is devestating and not only do you have to deal with the love that was lost but also the unresolved feelings that you have when it is over. You feel hate and love all wrapped in one and then become angry with yourself for still loving this person. I couldnt find anything here I would change and I couldnt find the one line that you dont care for. I think this is a good, solid write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-03-31 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      hey i guess we all reach a point like this somewhere in our lifetime where it hurts so bad and we always tell ourselevs never again because the pain is so unberabloe but we find that we go right back there because like it or not we need that feeling of love along with the reassurance that we are wanted the first heartbreak is the worst the pain is harder than anything else u had to go through but all that does is make me appreciate the feeling of love much more because u must no pain before u no love and if u have the courage to love u have the courage to be heartbroken ive been stabbed in the heart many times by piercing words of my heart strings all of which promised to love me forver who knew forever lasts so little even if this is old its still good i can connect with it well you did a great job making me see and feel wat u feel a great part of life is pain sweety
    | Posted on 2006-07-09 00:00:00 | by wallya20 | [ Reply to This ]
      i cant believe that 3 people have viewed this, and yet no one has commented on it. i thought this was a very heartfelt piece, that a lot of people who have been inlove... can relate to. i'm not much for the rhyming myself, i'm more of a free verse person, but i really did enjoy reading this. it's very sad, and i too have been there, not since i was a teenager, inlove with my first boyfriend, but i have been there nontheless. very nice write

    -Poetic
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Poetic | [ Reply to This ]


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