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Hidden Away


Author: Kaila Turley
ASL Info:    15/F
Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 52 /43 /18
Words: 97
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 966
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 579



Description:


this poem is about someone tryingto show feelings but yet there is so much in the way


Hidden Away



i love you so much
you dont evven know
the feelings im dying to show

they are locked up
hidden away
much like the sun on
a cloudy day

the sun is my heart
the clouds are in the way
blocking my feelings
from moving at all

the try to break away
and try to be free
but there is so many things
standing in the way of
you and me

theres my heart
my hand
my mom and my dad
and last but not least...
theres you .




Submitted on 2006-03-24 10:46:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I think the rhyming seemed a bit off. The third stanza just kind of put a dent in the flow you had going on. I really liked the second stanza.
-
they are locked up
hidden away
much like the sun on
a cloudy day
-
Thats a great way to put all the feelings we lock up from one another. In the first stanza, I think it might sound better if it was the feelings that i'm dying to show. Just a suggestion. I thought it was a pretty good write. I can relate, sometimes i feel like screaming things at certain people, but I always keep them up because I don't really want to hurt anyone. Eh, me blabbering again. Great write! Thumbs up!
inkpen
| Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by inkpen | [ Reply to This ]


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