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When We Meet!


Author: Kaila Turley
ASL Info:    15/F
Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 52 /43 /18
Words: 82
Class/Type: Poetry /Longing
Total Views: 1007
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 457



Description:


this is short and its from a long time ago this was one of the first poems that i ever wrote


When We Meet!



are you out there?
can we meet sometime
would you like to stay a while
have we meet before
i have many questions
but no on to ask .

i need to know you
come face to face with you
i need to see my future
what will it hold?

when we meet...
the day will be one of a kind
it will be like no other
it will let the future unwind
when will we meet?




Submitted on 2006-03-24 10:56:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Ok basically this is a good write, especially for one of your firsts...
Firstly you need to go over this and fix up your spelling, capitolisation and punctuation, although it doesnt seem important, it really is:

First stanza...
LINE 1- "are you out there?", change to Are you out there?
LINE 2- "can we meet sometime", change to Can we meet sometime?
LINE 3 and 4 - you need to put question marks at the end of each of these lines.
LINE 5- you need to change the "i" to an "I"
LINE 6- change "on" to "one"

Second stanza...
LINE 1- change the "i" to "I"
LINE 3- change the "i" to "I"

Third stanza...
LINE 1- change "when" to "When"

Ok this poem hasn't really got a structure, you need to go over this and come up with a rhyming scheme.
As it is, the first stanza doesnt really fit with the rest of the poem. and the middle stanza is to short.
All you need to do to this poem is fix up your spelling, capitolisation and punctuation, elaborate more on the feelings of longing, and fix up the overall structure of the poem. the basic skeleton that you have here is quite good, keep up the good work...

~hannah~
| Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]
  ok, simple enough. not bad, especially for one of your first. I might consider a different format and a slight elaboration to better associate the reader. take care, be well, bye now
| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]


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