When We Meet!

Author: Kaila Turley ASL Info:    15/F Elite Ratio:    2.93 - 52 /43 /18 Words: 82

Class/Type: Poetry /Longing Total Views: 1007 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 457

Description:

---

When We Meet!

---

are you out there? can we meet sometime would you like to stay a while have we meet before i have many questions but no on to ask . i need to know you come face to face with you i need to see my future what will it hold? when we meet... the day will be one of a kind it will be like no other it will let the future unwind when will we meet?

Submitted on 2006-03-24 10:56:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

Ok basically this is a good write, especially for one of your firsts... Firstly you need to go over this and fix up your spelling, capitolisation and punctuation, although it doesnt seem important, it really is: First stanza... LINE 1- "are you out there?", change to Are you out there? LINE 2- "can we meet sometime", change to Can we meet sometime? LINE 3 and 4 - you need to put question marks at the end of each of these lines. LINE 5- you need to change the "i" to an "I" LINE 6- change "on" to "one" Second stanza... LINE 1- change the "i" to "I" LINE 3- change the "i" to "I" Third stanza... LINE 1- change "when" to "When" Ok this poem hasn't really got a structure, you need to go over this and come up with a rhyming scheme. As it is, the first stanza doesnt really fit with the rest of the poem. and the middle stanza is to short. All you need to do to this poem is fix up your spelling, capitolisation and punctuation, elaborate more on the feelings of longing, and fix up the overall structure of the poem. the basic skeleton that you have here is quite good, keep up the good work... ~hannah~

| Posted on 2006-06-17 00:00:00 | by seriouscutter19 | [ Reply to This ]

ok, simple enough. not bad, especially for one of your first. I might consider a different format and a slight elaboration to better associate the reader. take care, be well, bye now

| Posted on 2006-04-05 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

96234