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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lookdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bleeding-soul
    ASL Info:    17/m/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.22 - 94/94/14
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1239
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       You tell me.....


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLookdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Look into my dark brown eyes
    Tell me, what do you see?
    Do you see beauty and passion?
    Or do you just see me?

    Look at my hands, so cold and bare
    Tell me, what do you see?
    Do you see strength and creation in them?
    Or do you just see me?

    Look at the lips upon my face
    Tell me, what do you see?
    Do you see a pathway to indulgence?
    Or do you just see me?

    Look in the mirror upon your wall
    Tell me, what do you see?
    Do you see love in your expression?
    Or do you just see me?




    Submitted on 2006-03-24 11:12:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow.. this is really interesting.
    so real, but yet so confusing.
    | Posted on 2008-04-09 00:00:00 | by Magger32 | [ Reply to This ]
      AWWW I like this poem of yours its really nice.. Very creative.. I look at you and I see a wonderful person. I know that you don't know me but still I'm here if you have msn mess or myspace or both you should add me.. well if you want to
    alexdx90@hotmail.com
    ~*Becca*~
    | Posted on 2006-05-19 00:00:00 | by __B3cca__ | [ Reply to This ]
      Simple, but beautiful.

    There's really nothing I can give advice on, everything looked good to me. I was thinking maybe you should have made it a little longer, but then it's short and sweet. =P

    Anways, I'm going to check out your other poems now, I looked at this one first because I like to see which one the writer thinks is their best, and then judge by that.

    And yours is pretty good.

    necrotic
    | Posted on 2006-04-28 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
      Well now this is original! I love how you repeated do you just see me. It was as if I was staring at a mirror of yourself instead of you, and that is very creative. The poetry dug into the crevice of depression and alit it with people who pretend to care. The passion in this poem is incredible. And by endulgence did you mean indulgence? Such as indulging. Perhaps if you are trying to show that you are in some way damned by your own passion you should exhilerate that passion with more intimidating words, and the reflection of people's hallowness making you feel depressed. Of course I am giving you constructive criticism but the poem itself is very well done, and I see no real need to change it except indulgence lol. Great job, great job.
    | Posted on 2006-04-13 00:00:00 | by winterdove | [ Reply to This ]
      ....This is very good. I like the repetitive parts,
    I love the questions, that are repeated, especially the love expression.
    the meaning is pretty simple here, asking the person, if they see beyond the outer image, or they just simply looking at you.
    Is that the meaning, or is it something else?
    nice write.
    | Posted on 2006-04-12 00:00:00 | by rAbit | [ Reply to This ]
      This is outstanding
    I really love mirror poetry and can easily relate
    I totally saw myself in this write
    I also write a lot of poetry based on reflection
    Excellent Job
    I am making this a favorite
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-06-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, that's very different from you other writing. I don't really read these kind of poems that much. Seems very passionate, so I give you two thumbs up.
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so pretty Steven, and Raivn commented before I did and that is so not fair because I am your angel and you are mine. We love each other Steven. You know what I see, I see someone filled to the brim with love and beauty and passion and hope and sometimes insecurity and sometimes sadness. You are a frail beautiful person and when I look into my own mirror to see I hope there is love in my eyes. Because you are so awesome to me Steven, I just wanted you to know that.
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Look in the mirror upon your wall
    Tell me, what do you see?
    Do you see love in your expression?
    Or do you just see me?

    Oh, steven, this is my favorite part! How pretty! I think this is a lovely poem. You should write more often!
    | Posted on 2006-03-24 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      awww this was a really sweet write, especially the ending, great emotion/wording/all the typical comment stuff, I really wouldnt change a thing. I gotta say though, I'm reading this and hoenstly wondering why you dont' write more often, or post more often lol. it was a little repetitive but for the most part that just helped make your point a little stronger, great write, I'll have to stop in and read some more of your writes sometime,
    peace and love,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-06-27 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonderful man. I really like:

    "Look at my hands, so cold and bare
    Tell me, what do you see?
    Do you see strength and creation in them?
    Or do you just see me?"

    You answer your question here for me. With something like this... I see plenty of creation. Now I envy you, because this means that you too (like everyone else) are better than I could eve dream to be :-P.

    This made me stop to think about it for a while... Which I guess is a good thing. Good work man. See you later.
    | Posted on 2006-04-18 00:00:00 | by Herrick | [ Reply to This ]
      That was really good. I think that it was so simply but the simplicity was what made it so unique. I loved the the whole thing. It gave me a feeling of what you were talking about in your journal. You like to be alone, but you fear that you will never find someone. Don't worry because I have the same fears as you. This is the first piece of your I have read, and you seem pretty talented to so I am going to have to check out some more of your work. Nice write!
    ~Alyssa~
    | Posted on 2006-04-20 00:00:00 | by alcoholcaust | [ Reply to This ]
      duuude, this is crazy!
    i love it alottt!
    im adding it to my favorite list...
    yah, you're on the there again.
    but this makes so much sense to me and latley when ive been reading some writing, nothing is getting to me..
    but this is great.
    keep on writing.

    -BleedingTears
    | Posted on 2006-05-26 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]


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