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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Infidelitiesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vintagepepper
    ASL Info:    21/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    7.05 - 191/153/46
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 1239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 359



    Description:
       let me know what you think of this one. any opinions or suggestions appreciated.

    thanks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInfidelitiesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tearing through my soul,
    by unperforated lines
    my aspiration for vegeance ignited.
    This yearning,
    is blistering, smoldering brilliantly
    within the pitch of my subsistence.
    The inquiry darting through my mentality;
    the fidelity,
    my fidelity falters over ambiguity.




    Submitted on 2006-03-24 12:05:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Tearing through my soul,
    by unperforated lines.

    See, that's a very poetic line. The soul is being torn in the places that hurt the worst, not the easily torn apart "perforated" places.

    The rest of it is a bit like thoughts that were put together with synonyms, instead of poetic gestures.

    I think you are on to a great start here, but, and i mean no offense pepa, but this one needs some work. The whole thing is a bit "ambiguous." Is the question in your mind that you doubt your fidelity? At least in the parameters of other people? I'm a little lost, sorry for that!
    Later,
    Toby
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by afterglow | [ Reply to This ]
      Big words are not always good words? I like this poem but I think that most people will not understand what you were trying to say?
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]


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