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Author: vintagepepper
ASL Info:    21/F/OH
Elite Ratio:    7.05 - 191 /153 /46
Words: 39
Class/Type: Poetry /Betrayal
Total Views: 1371
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 359


let me know what you think of this one. any opinions or suggestions appreciated.



Tearing through my soul,
by unperforated lines
my aspiration for vegeance ignited.
This yearning,
is blistering, smoldering brilliantly
within the pitch of my subsistence.
The inquiry darting through my mentality;
the fidelity,
my fidelity falters over ambiguity.

Submitted on 2006-03-24 12:05:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Tearing through my soul,
by unperforated lines.

See, that's a very poetic line. The soul is being torn in the places that hurt the worst, not the easily torn apart "perforated" places.

The rest of it is a bit like thoughts that were put together with synonyms, instead of poetic gestures.

I think you are on to a great start here, but, and i mean no offense pepa, but this one needs some work. The whole thing is a bit "ambiguous." Is the question in your mind that you doubt your fidelity? At least in the parameters of other people? I'm a little lost, sorry for that!
| Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by afterglow | [ Reply to This ]
  Big words are not always good words? I like this poem but I think that most people will not understand what you were trying to say?
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]

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