Tearing through my soul,
by unperforated lines
my aspiration for vegeance ignited.
is blistering, smoldering brilliantly
within the pitch of my subsistence.
The inquiry darting through my mentality;
my fidelity falters over ambiguity.
| Tearing through my soul,|
by unperforated lines.
See, that's a very poetic line. The soul is being torn in the places that hurt the worst, not the easily torn apart "perforated" places.
The rest of it is a bit like thoughts that were put together with synonyms, instead of poetic gestures.
I think you are on to a great start here, but, and i mean no offense pepa, but this one needs some work. The whole thing is a bit "ambiguous." Is the question in your mind that you doubt your fidelity? At least in the parameters of other people? I'm a little lost, sorry for that!
|| Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by afterglow | [ Reply to This ] || Big words are not always good words? I like this poem but I think that most people will not understand what you were trying to say?|
|| Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ] |