[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Infidelitiesdots

    Author: vintagepepper
    ASL Info:    21/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    7.05 - 191/153/46
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Betrayal
    Total Views: 1239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 359

       let me know what you think of this one. any opinions or suggestions appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Tearing through my soul,
    by unperforated lines
    my aspiration for vegeance ignited.
    This yearning,
    is blistering, smoldering brilliantly
    within the pitch of my subsistence.
    The inquiry darting through my mentality;
    the fidelity,
    my fidelity falters over ambiguity.

    Submitted on 2006-03-24 12:05:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Tearing through my soul,
    by unperforated lines.

    See, that's a very poetic line. The soul is being torn in the places that hurt the worst, not the easily torn apart "perforated" places.

    The rest of it is a bit like thoughts that were put together with synonyms, instead of poetic gestures.

    I think you are on to a great start here, but, and i mean no offense pepa, but this one needs some work. The whole thing is a bit "ambiguous." Is the question in your mind that you doubt your fidelity? At least in the parameters of other people? I'm a little lost, sorry for that!
    | Posted on 2006-04-03 00:00:00 | by afterglow | [ Reply to This ]
      Big words are not always good words? I like this poem but I think that most people will not understand what you were trying to say?
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]